We are not asked to stop trying we are simply asked to stop trying out
What does a life of comparison leads to?
Simple.
Discontent & Not being enough
Ever since I was a little girl I can remember this whisper of a voice saying
“what’s wrong with you?”
.
.
“why can’t you be as good as that person or as pretty as so and so or as smart as this person”
.
.
To this day, I struggle with this. If I don’t get invited to something I attack myself asking what is wrong with you. When in reality no one meant anything by it, nor is anything wrong with me. Yet the next day I wake up late, I don’t finish a blog on time, or I get homesick and just want to lay down and give up… “what’s wrong with you, why can’t you be stronger?”. By the end of the day I am exhausted lying in bed convinced something is wrong with me and if only I could fix myself everything would be perfect.
The question isn’t what is wrong with me, the question is why am I so quick to lose confidence and believe something is wrong with me. I struggle to remember that my identity is not in how good or bad my writing is, how much I weigh, how amazing someone else’s photography is, or if I get invited to every single hangout. My identity is in the Lord, believing that the Lord made a mistake when he created me is ridiculous, the Lord doesn’t make trash or mistakes.
Yes, I make mistakes, I’ve made some terrible mistakes. I’ve let people down, I’ve failed massively. I’ve let my circumstances define who I am, and let a little thing like the fear of missing out define my friendships and have said some passive unkind things. Yet, I am not a mistake and I don’t need to let my failures define who I am.
I am loved.
I am precious.
I am enough.
There are many things I would like, I would like to be in better shape, I would like to be a musician. I would love to have perfect sight. When I focus on what I don’t have and ignore the fact of what I have been gifted, then I lose sight of the fact that I am degrading the things I do have as if they are not enough. I have a working healthy body that can climb mountains and run miles, I can hear amazing music and am grateful for friends who share their musical talent with me. I can see! I can see the 19 countries that I have been gifted to travel to and the many states in America.
I have found I am more confident when I stopped trying to be someone else’s definition of beauty and started being my own. My identity is not in what the world says I can or can’t be and I know as I transition home the feeling of having to have it all figured out and not living this life in a normal linear line will overwhelm me. But I will continue to press into not comparing my life to another’s because in all reality my path, the race that is set before is going to be so much more rewarding if I focus on what I was created to do instead of being jealous of others’ talents and what they were created to do
