Dear Mr. Steve…I’m home!
I met you last year in Malibu as I was selling baked goods and trying to raise funds for this trip. You rolled up in your golf cart with 2 kiddos in the back and asked what I was doing. I explained the mission, you gave $10, took one of my cards and got back in your ride. Before driving off you said, “contact me when you get back IF you still believe in God.”
Was this a challenge? Who knows but it sparked something in me!
This year God completely and totally blew me away! I didn’t just learn about His love, faithfulness and patience towards us, His protection, joy and strength but I experienced it!
Now that I’ve been home for about a month I find myself trying to articulate what this year was…I feel I fall short.
I wrote this in my journal recently…hopefully it will give a glimpse into how I’m feeling!
How is this my life right now?
Sometimes I feel guilty about it.
Sometimes I feel guilty that I get to live in this freedom while others are still chained…chained to the hurts of their pasts. Chained to their fears and doubts, chained to the lies that they aren’t good enough, loved, worthy, cherished, wanted, beautiful, lovely etc etc etc.
Sometimes I feel guilty because I did nothing to deserve this. I did nothing to arrive at this point of knowing that I am madly loved by a good great amazing Father.
“Exactly!! That’s the point isn’t it? You did nothing Kendra yet I did everything simply because I love you and that’s all that matters!”
“Just say Yes!! Just receive and let me lead you. Let me do the rest!”
Just as quickly as the guilt rushes in and tries to bring me down, joy comes all the more. Joy knowing that this same freedom I have found in Christ, YOU CAN TOO! The acceptance and approval that I once sought out in others I have found securely in Christ. Joy knowing that the same God who reached down from heaven and rescued me can and will do the same thing for you…if only you’d let Him!
I have joy knowing that I am a changed woman! I have a voice and things to say. I don’t know how it happened but one day I looked up and I was different. I was alive.
As I said, sometimes there aren’t words for me to adequately explain my relationship with God. I sometimes don’t know how I even got here. Sometimes I don’t understand why the Lord has pursued me the way He has. Sometimes I don’t understand why and how He can continue to love me unconditionally as He does. But I do know I believe in Him and love Him more than ever before. It has nothing to do with me going on some crazy 11 month adventure. As my friend says, “The World Race didn’t change me, it was just a tool God used this year.”
But it has everything to do with a willingness to let Him in, a willingness to let Him love you unconditionally, a willingness to allow yourself to actually believe that there is a God in heaven who calls us sons and daughters. A willingness to believe that there is freedom to be had and it’s found in Him!
All I know, is that I am His daughter and He is a good dad and I’m forever changed by that truth!
So Mr. Steve, this may or may not make any sense whatsoever but I hope the truth of these words is stirring something within you!
I have no way of contacting you, I can only pray you will see this post one day soon! I will be in California until September 13th and would love to meet with you and talk life..if you’re willing!
