Crisis of Belief

Through this journey so far God has shown me some not so cute areas in my heart pertaining to finances. My whole life I have been provided for, which I am extremely grateful for. I don’t need much to live off but God showed me just how afraid of not “being okay” that I am. Fear of my basic needs not being met, fear of just being flat out broke.

Because my needs have always been met by my family I wasn’t completely trusting in the true source of that provision, God. YIKES!

In January I started the “Experiencing God” workbook by Henry Blackaby, which I highly recommend. In between life happening it kind of fell by the way side but recently it has been on my mind so I picked it back up last night and my oh my, it was right on time. It talked about a “crisis of belief”. When God invites you to be apart of His work and shows you what He wants to do through you, your next step is crucial. Obedience or Disobedience? Fear or Trust? Will you allow your present circumstances to frighten and paralyze you? Will you cower and run? If “faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen,” will you allow what you see or don’t see (in the natural) to keep you from moving forward into what God is calling you to?

Not only is my faith being stretched when it comes to fundraising and believing that I WILL be fully funded before September but there have been other expenses that have decided to rear their ugly heads into my life. So even more God is asking do I believe that He will provide? Will I believe that He is able to take care of those planned expenses, the little ones and those that pop up out of no where and cause me to panic and to be gripped with fear. “God how am I going to do this? Where on earth is all of this money going to come from? God, I only have a PT job!” I believe this is the exact spot God wants His children to be. Not gripped with fear because fear is not of God but at the point we realize we can’t do this. Our resources won’t stretch far enough to make this happen. He wants us to surrender and depend on Him. To cast ALL of our cares completely on Him. In a crisis of belief will we believe God to be who He says He is? Father. Provider. Sovereign. Good. Loving etc. or will we allow doubt and our own understanding and perception, our own lack get in the way of letting Him work through us for His purposes.

One day I was talking to my Pastor and he simply said “moving forward means you have to leave something behind.” As we move forward into our relationships with Christ and take hold of all that He has for us, let us leave behind the doubt, the fear or worry that God will fail us and leave us hanging. THAT IS NOT TRUE! In every situation God is more than able to carry us through and He is always with us.

When He calls will we respond with faith? “God though this situation (financial or not) looks completely impossible I am trusting you to be who you say you are. In Exodus I see you as the great “I AM” meaning YOU ARE everything that I need in any situation.