God is good; there is absolutely no doubt in my mind of this. Without God I would be nothing, only a shell of the person he created me to be. His goodness was made even more clear when I realized if he hadn’t taught me my identity before he called me to the Race, I would be running scared right now. I have been experiencing a tug of war almost daily. One side pulling me into fear, the other side into incredible joy. Praise the Lord he is already victorious, because his perfect love casts out all fear. This is where I have set my foundation: in Him. He is the solid rock I stand on, and when I am weak I rest my head on his chest. We have spent a lot of time in silence recently. I have no words, I only have my mess. So, I lay it at his feet, and we just sit together. Silent. My first reaction when faced with silence between us was to be uncomfortable, and take a posture of crying out to him saying “God! please come back! Where are you?!”. He proceeded to remind me that he never left me. He said “I’ll never leave you, or forsake you”. Ohh yeah! I can’t help, but to smile because when I FEEL alone, abandoned, or deserted I can confidently say that I am actually loved, pursued, and supported. So, here we are, in the silence. Just starring at each other.
All glory I want to give to God, because he has blessed me by teaching me who I am in him. He is growing my confidence in him by allowing us to just “be” together. He is still speaking, just in a still, and quiet voice. I believe he is doing this so I have to lean in closer to hear him. Again, I cannot help but to smile because of how good he is! He told me almost two months ago that he was going to grow my confidence in him, so here we are!
Of course my feelings have been all over the place in this process. Incredible joy, and crippling fear. An attempt at a tug of war with my destiny. Well, not today (or any day)! I will not be tossed by the wind, because I am rooted in Christ. From this point on I confidently walk past fear as if it didn’t exist, and I lock eyes with my Father. I take his hand, and ask “what’s next?”.
