On the World Race, you have a team that travels with you and does ministry with you every month. These teams sometimes change during the race, but they do not change every month or even every other month. My team is a team of six (including myself) we met at training camp a little over two months ago.
This is my first time being in such intentional community, and honestly I have struggled. Being an introvert, I struggled in the beginning with the idea of constant interaction with others. I felt like the odd one out because in my perception I was the only one needing alone time, and even the only one struggling with this adjustment in life. Every day we have a time for feedback and team time, and in both settings I had no desire to share. I struggled to trust the team that I had been put with. I honestly didn’t want to, because I was held back by past hurt and offense.
I brought all the emotions I had to the Father, I ran after him in desperation, really, because I needed his love for my team. I have realized that offense has kept me from really being able to love them well. Offense also prevented me from being loved by them, because I wasn’t bringing my true self to the table, I had walls up. The Lord also told me that I am also holding onto unforgivness from when I had been offended/hurt. Knowing that this it not his plan, I let it all go.
Mistrust and offense are robbers of authentic community, if I were to continue to operate out of these I would miss out on a great thing that God has in store for me. I do want to learn how to have authentic, healthy community. So, I’ll keep pressing into what God has for me, and I’ll learn how to live without offense, and my trust will be in him alone.
I’ve been meditating on these verses:
John 15:1-2 and 15:9
1-2 “I am the true grapevine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more.”
9 “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.”
