So the past few months I have really been struggling in regards to with my intimacy level with God. I know the place I am in now is so far below the level of intimacy in relationships that Jesus wants for us. It is really frustrating to me when I can see that I am not experiencing the fullness of God yet there hasn’t been anything I can do to get to the point I want to be at. I have asked and I have begged and I have no idea what to do anymore. I know the attributes and faithfulness of God and I have seen that faithfulness displayed in my life so many times so I have no choice to believe that He will be faithful again with this. However, the waiting is so hard. I know all I can do is keep asking for His fullness and pressing in to Him. But I don’t know if I really know what that means because what I think I am doing by pressing in is providing no results. My teammates keep telling me about visions and words they have for me and that there is just one little thing that I am missing. The “thing” is apparently so simple but I still have no idea what it is.
The “good” thing about all of this is that God is using it to break down all the walls (mainly of pride) I have built up so high over the course my life. I was definitely a lone ranger before the Race in the sense that I thought I could handle most of my problems by myself. All the while, I was keeping up the front that I always had it all together. This issue has brought me to my knees in front of my teammates and my family which is so much more healthy and is just another step into freedom. God has given me this amazing community and I was squandering it. It is so much easier having my team know whats going on with me. Now they know how to pray for me and because of that I have gotten so many more words from God from them. Plus they can love me better and understand more where I am coming from. Side note: utilize your community! And if you don’t have one, find one!
But God is speaking to me, just through other people mainly. I want it to be my turn 🙂
So in another step to defeat the pride that has so long ruled my life, I am telling all of you this and I am asking for your prayers. Pray for revelation about this “thing” and the the Holy Spirit will just engulf me. I need this initimacy to be able to finish this race and I don’t want to live the rest of my life without it.
