Rwanda is like a Wednesday. Its a hump month. Nobody really loves Wednesdays because they are right in the middle of the week. Sure, Wednesday could end up being a great day but you are still glad for it to be over so you can move on to the end of the week which is usually awesome. Thats how I feel about this month. It is right in the middle of this crazy life I lead on the World Race and I’ve got a long way to go. This is the longest Wednesday ever though, and I am tired. The previous 5 months are catching up to me. I miss everything that makes up home, and I am ready to be able to at least see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I like to think that I’ll come off this month rejuvinated and ready to go, but the longer I am here the more I am worried that it won’t be so easy. This lifestyle is getting to me. I am tired all the time: tired of being tired, tired of always feeling disgusting, of having approximately five shirts to wear, and tired of cramming everything I own into a cubic foot space. I hate that I can’t control my diet and therefore can’t control my body type. On top of all that, sometimes I feel like I am losing myself. It gets harder and harder to fight for joy but I don’t really have the option to stop fighting. Some days are definitely easier than others but I feel like on the whole, its been a hard month.
It is funny though, because I have been having dreams about being back home after this is all over and I am so sad in them. I am always missing my time here and wondering how it went by so fast. In these dreams, I also find myself bored by my regular life and thinking that I am meant for more. I think God is trying to wake me up. Yeah, there are some times when this whole thing sucks but it is such an opportunity and something that I have always wanted so I can’t waste it.
In our first month in the Philippines, we had amazing contacts and one thing that Joanna told us that really stuck with me was that God gives you the grace to get through everyday in the places that He has us. So as long as we are called to be somewhere, He will give us the grace to be there. For her and her husband, it is working in the dump. For me right now, it is being on this race. So I have to rely on Him to give me the grace for everyday. Another thing I have come to learn is that God is always true to His word. So maybe this is one of those times where I’ll have to let Him carry me.
Ron and Joanna, we miss you!
Rwanda itself is a beautiful country. The rolling hills make for some stunning scenery as well as some breathtaking hikes….literally. We’re usually dripping sweat and panting by the time we reach our ministry site everyday. The people are friendly and the country is impressively clean. You would never know a genocide took place here only 17 years ago. This is the second genocide-affected country I’ve been to and its like night and day from Cambodia. I am living in the capital city of Kigali and the hotel from Hotel Rwanda is a ten minute bus ride from where I am staying. Its crazy to think that their war happened in my lifetime and it very well could have been me who lost my entire family or even my own life.
sunset from our church
When we got here it was like stepping out of the darkness of Kenya into a new light. And I do really love it here. On another brighter note, I am learning more and more about the authority that I carry as a daughter of God…authority that all believers have. I was missing so much back at home so it is really cool to be here are walk in the fullness of my purpose in life. I know I mention this a lot, but I am ever amazed at how God allowed me out of or rather draggd me out of the life I was living into this one where it has to be all about Him. Our God is always good and luckily where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more.
Lastly, I know I am missing home when country music becomes more and more integrated into my playlists…who am I? I will definitely be excited to be an American again one day 🙂
