A few nights ago, I was laying on my mattress on the ground, attempting to sleep. I had bugs, my own thoughts, and God as my only company. Reflection on the feedback culture I have been apart of more or less for a couple years hit me like a freight train, and I ended up typing them up on my memo app on my phone. So here they are.
In my community back home, and many church communities as a whole, they are inclined to offer feedback to each other out of a desire to encourage each other to look more like Christ. That can look like sharing thoughts of opportunities to grow, or encouraging others in the ways that they are already showing God’s love through their characteristics or behavior.
This approach is also a part of the World Race culture. The idea of feedback is very much incorporated into the process. This happens at least a few time each week. We pray about feedback we are feeling led to share, offer that up, and that person takes it to God and prays about it as well. It’s quite the process. Lot of really good stuff can come from it when the heart behind it is right.
In addition to this, as racers, we blog as well. This is with the intent of keeping supporters, friends, and family updated, sharing our hearts and stories of the beautiful people we meet along the way. This can also be used as a tool to help process through the experiences that happen for those that are less inclined to journal. Because of the nature of this year, all of the experiences, stories, and lessons, there is no way to share with each person back home individually, so blogs help to bridge that gap.
Before the race, each person has had countless conversations with friends and family about motivation for partaking in the World Race, where the racer’s walk was at, and expectations. Comments were made about how different we will be when you come back, how we will probably end up married to an African man and never come back to America.
This year includes sharing our testimonies, leading bible studies, sharing messages with churches, and giving accounts to the rest of our squad at the end of each month on travel days. We swap crazy stories, sweet interactions, and life lessons.
You will go home after the race and others will ask what you have learned. Comments previously made about how different you will probably be when you come home pop up in your head. Do they see a difference? Are the people that have supported me financially, emotionally, prayerfully still glad that they made that investment of time, energy, and love? How do you summarize a year’s worth of lessons effectively and honestly? It seems like an impossible task to convey accurately all that has happened.
So many assumptions and misconceptions happen about those in overseas missions, as if that were a higher calling than showing Christ’s love back home in the states. That lie is a dangerous one if you ask me, idolizing another’s life, walk, or relationship with Christ. We are all in the same boat, no matter which side of the world you live on. Will others expect me to be a “super Christian” when I get home, whatever the hell that is? That is an ever elusive title that none of us will ever live up to, and thankfully don’t have to.
I have silly desires for when I come home, such as purchasing an old beater Jeep Wrangler. Questions try to haunt me that I have to practice giving to God. Do others have me to higher standards now? Will they be disappointed when I come home if I don’t look how they expected me to look? What does it actually look like to be a good steward of finances, time, and skills? How do I live a life of both responsibility and freedom, using my resources in a way that is not out of fear of how others will perceive it or guilt induced because others have invested in me, but out of a heart genuinely wanting to share what I have with others out of a heart of love? Am I more fearful of God or man?
In this culture of constantly having to reflect on and share what is going on, sometimes you just have to take a step back and just relax for a moment. I do not have to know in what ways I am growing or know what to report to people. I do not need to prove to anyone else that I am growing. My own growth is not even something to take pride in, it is what God is doing in me. It is not through my own strength or power. Also, just because I don’t feel it or cannot recognize what is going on in my head or heart, doesn’t mean I’m not growing. The goal in our walk with our Savior is not to check off of our list the lessons we have learned or be the best person possible, it is to love God. It is to love Him with all that we have: our heart, mind, soul, and strength. Growth happens naturally when we get our eyes off of ourselves and others and keep them on Him where they are supposed to be.
