Little girl, with your exterior so tough and harsh. You glare at the world, looking at it with disdain. You look others up and down, roll those beautiful eyes, and turn your back on others before they can do the same to you. Can’t you see that you are loved? Can’t you see that there are others knocking on the door to your heart, wanting nothing more than for those walls that have you trapped inside, isolated, to come crumbling down? Your words and actions communicate to those around you to back off, to leave you be. Nothing can break that facade that you have mastered so well at much too young of age. If others have hurt you or left you when you were far too young to bear such a burden, no wonder you put up this front.
You push others away with as much force as you can muster up in your tiny, delicate little body. Oh, how desperately you want nothing more than for someone to push past that, to see through, to love the sweet heart that lies beneath. I can see it in the way you steal a glance of those same ones you try to hurt. The way that the smirk leaves your face, if only for a second, when you receive love in return like you truly deserve. A small, sweet smile appears, quickly stifled again as if your own face has betrayed you. The hardened expression on your face cannot stay there forever though, try as you may to keep it. Slowly, perhaps at first unnoticeable, you will begin to soften. That love that you so desperately crave will begin to sink it’s way into your heart, life, and soul.
Little girl, I am so sorry for how my heart reacted to you at first. As if you had known anything different, as if you were doing anything more than just trying to protect yourself. How much joy filled my heart when your face lit up the first time. How privileged I felt when you returned my kisses blown to you with your own. The realization that hit when other little hands and voices vied for my attention, how rejected you must have felt. The harsh looks and that same relentless gesture of disdain returned as you felt foolish for trusting one who so quickly shared love with the other girls as well as you. Time and time again, this must have happened. Life telling you that you are not special, not treasured, and certainly not to trust others who will inevitably just bring you pain.
Sweet girl, you do not have to be an orphan forever. Wandering aimlessly on your own, pushing away the very thing your soul craves most. The anger, hurt, and resentment are your greatest enemy in keeping you isolated. You do have a Father who loves you more than you will ever imagine, just waiting patiently for you to let Him in. How many more kisses would you feel free to share if your little heart knew that kind of love?
As interactions are exchanged, you slowly open up and start playing clapping games with eyes intently searching mine, as if asking if I am one who can be trusted. Such intensity I have rarely seen in one with so few years behind them. Language barriers are irrelevant in seeing your heart, as despite your desire, you wear it on your sleeve. As years pass, my prayer is that you are loved on more and more. That those around you will be let in to soften that precious, beautiful heart of yours. That blowing kisses will be your new gesture of choice. That one day, perhaps you will realize the impact made by the last kiss you blew as we had to part, and how it will be treasured forever.
My heart behind writing this blog was to give you all a glimpse into just one of the infinite number of interactions I have gotten to have with the beautiful children in India during village ministry. In addition to that, to reflect on my own journey and the journey I have seen the hearts of many loved ones experience working through having an “orphan heart”. I feel as though we all go through that point at least briefly during life. My prayer is that we all live out of truth of who we are and who we belong to.
