So…. here begins one more chapter of this insane life! I honestly have no idea how I got here. I have sat here and stared at this screen so many times trying to predict the best topic to select as my first blog. My mind has been like a freakin’ worldwind brainstorming what topic I could discuss that would be beneficial to others. I have played the shame card (I am a young believer, what could I possibly have to say that would be beneficial for others to hear that has never been heard?) I have played the pride card (I have learned so many lessons lately! How do I pick!?) Mind you, both of those mindsets are not focused on putting God and His kingdom first. Yeah…
Ultimately, this silly little blog is nothing more than an expression of my heart and one more account of God’s grace and restoration. It’s not about me. Which is a lesson I am thankful to have begun the process of learning now as opposed to when I am on the World Race. My race in this life has already begun. Our mission is here and now, every moment of every day we have opportunities to share truth with others. I am tired of sitting around and waiting:waiting for the “perfect” topic, opportunity to share, or the World Race to begin before I am a vessel for God. So this here is my pledge to start racing here and now.
Little insight into my life as of late, preferably a brief account:
I have been putting an unusual amount of energy into attempting to pour into others’ lives lately. Believers, non believers, did not matter. It has felt as though there was an abundance of people in my life that were undergoing some sort of crisis and of course, I could be the one to help them! I could be the one to swoop in and give them hope and light and all that that encompasses. Well, that’s all well in good in theory to try to support others and build them up, but WE as mere humans cannot do that. WE CANNOT SAVE OR FIX PEOPLE. Subtlety is truly my strong suit, no doubt. 😉
I cannot speak for the rest of the current or future Racers or missionaries, but I have known myself for 22 years, long enough to know that I have to be aware of this twisted mindset that tries to sneak in called a “Savior’s Complex”. In case you are unaware, this condition as I have heard it referred to is in short, trying to step in where the True Savior alone can occupy. Trying to be the one that brings light and hope and taking credit aware from where credit is due. Don’t get me wrong- there is absolutely nothing I want more in the core of my soul than to see other’s come to Christ and recognize the beauty and freedom that comes from realizing the truth of the Good News on a heart level. I am however inclined to let motivations be twisted by that dang sin nature that seems to be so stealthy. Shocker, I know. How many times must we learn the same lesson?! All of this to say, this is my attempt at repenting to fellow brothers in sisters in Christ of my own shortcomings and letting this be used how it will. That is the most pressing matter on my heart as of late. My prayer is that I continually am convicted of when I need to realign my sight and put it back where it belongs and to the Lover of my soul. With much love, Kelsie
