Who am I?
Why am I here?
What am I supposed to do?
What am I passionate about?
What is CGA?
Why am I at CGA?
I originally came to CGA because I didn't know what else to do. I was working at Old Navy and felt completely lost, unhappy, and out of place. I was also having a severe case of decision remorse (I felt like I made the wrong decision). I thought I was making the wrong decision to stay at home, I thought I made the wrong decision about where to work, I thought I was making the wrong decision in leaving for CGA, and I thought I made the wrong decision coming home from the Race; which is kind of impossible since I couldn't change the fact that it was ending. I felt like I couldn't make any right decisions.
I have been in this place since I returned home, I keep second guessing myself, I keep doubting the fact that God is speaking to me leading me down the path he has for me.
When I started my Track and my Apprenticeship I got really frustrated, I didn't understand why I was in Activation Track (I hate business type stuff), I wasn't exactly excited about my apprenticeship (I sit behind a desk do logistics for the World Race), I didn't understand why I was here in general. The past two months have been hard, I have been pushed in ways I really didn't want to be pushed and didn't know I needed to be pushed. My comfort zone has been blown to pieces.
I still don't completely know why I am at CGA, I probably never will. I do know that I am here to be poured into, to grow closer with Christ and to learn more about who I am. That doesn't mean that I haven't learned other things. I have probably learned more about business than I ever wanted to know, I have learned that everyone needs a little bit of Soul Care, I have learned stuff about lighting and videography, I have learned that I do not like desk jobs… at all. And while I never thought I would learn this stuff I did and I am better for it.
I wake up each day not knowing if God is going to be taking me through one of those rough days or if it is going to be one of those amazing days where I feel the love of the Father. Even though I don't know what each day is going to bring I know that my Father is going to be right next to me the whole way. Yeah, it terrifies me everyday to think that I may not be walking down the path God wants me on but I know that even if what I am doing isn't right He is walking with me and He is teaching me through my failures. Now, I say all of that in hind sight, when it is happening it feels like the worst thing ever and I just want to quit and run away from it, but that is how I know God is growing me. If it was easy I wouldn't be going anywhere.
Climbing the mountain sucks, but the view at the top is amazing.
What mountain are you climbing right now? Are you trying to run away from your mountain?
