This blog has been a long time coming, I have just been avoiding it like the plague. I like to believe that I am “over” this but I think I am still affected by it in some way everyday. For future Racers, you should keep reading because this might be something you go through on your Race, Alumni Racers, well you can keep reading if you want, you probably went through this too and may or may not want to relive it.
On the Race we have these things called Team Changes (Racers usually hear a cinematic “dun dun dun” and one of those creepy violin screeches in the background after those words). We are guaranteed at least one throughout the course of the Race, for us it was after month 3 when our new Squad Leaders (SL) were raised up.
My First Team- Team Aletheou
While that initial team change was hard, I never expected to have another one. Most Racers have been on 2 MAYBE 3 (very rare) different teams. How many did I have? I have been on a grand total of 4 different teams throughout these 10 months. Now you may not think that is a lot, but for the Race, where you live every moment of every day with these people, and you share EVERYTHING (and I mean everything) with these people it is a lot. I mean you sleep with them, you eat with them, you fart with them, you share your heart with them, they celebrate the things God is doing in your life with you, they challenge you everyday to continue growing in Christ, they share in your struggles, they love you when you are smelly, they love you when you feel your ugliest, they love you when you are at your lowest, they are your best friends, they are your brothers and sisters, they are the embodiment of Christ's love in your life, they are a major part of your life and always will be. Team Changes are HUGE in the life of a Racer.
Now, like I said I have had 4 different teams throughout the Race. One after month 3 when SL were raised up and another that was never expected. Let me set the scene, my second team- Team Haha- was awesome, we loved each other like a family, we were a family.
My Second Team- Team Haha
From the start there was instant chemistry, we all cannon-balled into this new team, there was no hesitation from anyone. We had so much joy and love for each person on our team, NO, in our family. We pushed each other to be who we knew God created each other to be, we helped each other through struggles, we helped each other discover passions we never knew we had, we had FUN! People commented on how much they loved our family. We thought we would be together through Ireland, through the end of the Race. I personally could not picture myself with any other family in Ireland. I loved them and could not see myself with any other family. From the beginning everyone knew there was something unique and special about our family, which made what was to come even harder.
Month 6 debrief rolls around and we think we are golden, we know there are going to be some team changes because a squad mate felt God calling him home, but we never thought we would be touched. We went into our debrief singing praises of our family, sharing our joy and love for our family. We were on cloud 9. The day before we left for ministry we met for team changes. From the start I could feel that something was off. I didn't know what it was but I know there was something. As the SL were talking about changes and I looked around the squad and made eye contact with a team mate and he gave me the most heart wrenching look. A look that said, “I'm never going to see you again.” And I knew, in that instant, that everything was going to change.
The SL called up the team leaders of the teams being changed, Kevin (my team leader) and Justin (the team mate with the heart wrenching look) walked up. I'm pretty sure at that moment, if this was a movie, there would be a big gasp across the theater. The team leaders then revealed their teams. Justin revealed a completely new team, and Kevin revealed even more changes. We had also lost our married couple. Our “mom” and “dad”. At this moment I did everything I could to keep the tears hidden. I tried to be happy for Justin. I tried to be excited to get to know my new team mates, all to no avail. As soon as the meeting was over, I ran to my room where the other two girls on my team were, also crying.
Malawi (month 7) was the hardest month of my Race (yes, even over Haiti). Everyday I had to call on God's strength to want to do ministry, to want to get to know my new team mates, to be present for team time, to be present in general. The girls and I had a lot of talks, and shared a lot of tears over these team changes and how hard it was for us. The enemy used this event to tear me down, to try and defeat me, to try and destroy me. And even though I wanted so badly to be mad at God for ripping my family apart, I couldn't. I wanted nothing more than to just be held by Him. I wanted to crawl into His lap, cry, and be comforted by Him. And I did, it was the only thing I could do to keep myself from going into a truly dark place. For a while I continuously asked God to explain Himself to me, until I talked one of my team mates who basically told me that that wasn't going to work, it wasn't going to help. She told me instead of asking for an explanation I should ask God to give me the strength everyday to get up and do what He has planned for me. So, that's what I started to do, it began to become easier to get up and go to ministry and to talk with my team and to minister to our hosts. It wasn't perfect, but it was better. God was my strength in that time, without Him I would still be in a deep funk.
Team Up, my third team, was a true blessing to me in that time. The two guys that were added to our team were understanding and loving in our time of mourning over Team Haha. While it took me a while to get accustomed to this new team, I love them and am so grateful they are in my life.
My Third Team- Team Up
Team Up-grade, my fourth and current team, added in our amazing married couple from Team Haha to Team Up. There was something missing on Team Up and the Spurgeons were it. I am so thankful for this team and I love them so much, I am so excited to see what God is going to do through us in these last two months.
My Fourth Team- Team Up-grade
I learned a couple of things from those Team Changes, one God is my strength in EVERYTHING. I cannot wake up without Him, I cannot speak without Him, I cannot do ministry without Him, I cannot do life without Him. Two, everything truly does happen for a reason, everything is apart of God's plan. I still don't know why God split up Team Haha, but I do know that it was for His glory. I may never know completely why He chose to split us up, and I'm okay with that. And three, DO NOT TAKE YOUR TIME WITH YOUR TEAM FOR GRANTED. That is a mistake we fear we made on Team Haha, we loved each other and we spent time with each other, but there were times when we should have done more. So, future Racers, don't do that! Don't hole yourself up in your own little world. Get to know your team, your family. Love your team, get to know your contacts, go on adventures, just do something! Your ministry is not just whatever is written on your setup sheet, it is everything you do. Your contacts are your ministry, your hosts are your ministry, the people around you are your ministry, and most importantly (I think) your team is your ministry. Don't just leave the deep conversations for Team Time. That's how you begin to make Team Time dreadful. Invest in each others lives outside of the AIM required stuff, and don't make it legalistic, if you do that you will hate it and not get the most out of your team.
