Soul care: the act of prayer and allowing the Lord to come into a hard place in your past to allow you to cut ties with the moment that brings you pain {usually done with someone facilitating the prayer to help you walk through it}
Second chances: the act of forgiveness and allowing yourself or someone else to show you they mean they will change or that they are working to no longer make the same mistake
Both are important here in my story — here’s why: I went to training camp feeling wide eyed and like a child in a candy shop — excited for anything and everything they had in store no matter what that may be. By day 6 I was feeling exhausted but still so pumped about just being there. By day 7 I had shared with my team some of my past struggles and some hard things I had walked through.
Later the next day during “Pathways to God” Courtney (our amazing mobilizer — also was my team’s leader for the week) had asked me to meet later with her and Kate to talk a little more about my story. I was freaking out I had no idea what was in store for that conversation or anything like that. The devil really used that to my disadvantage — placing hard core doubts in my mind, giving me terrible anxiety — I was stressed. But, I showed up to talk to them and boy oh boy am I so glad I did. I talked to Kate about my story, shared with her some of what I have walked through and then she asked if I could pray that the Lord would show me where He was in the part of my story that I shared (sorrryyy not ready to post for the world to see just yet). It was intense. I could see the room and all the things in the room and immediately I wanted to open my eyes and stop right there. The devil was in that room too but I fought it — kept my eyes closed and asked the Lord to reveal himself. HE WAS THERE. I could see him in that moment — protecting me, for I am his worthy daughter.
The next part of soul care is asking if the Lord has anything to say to you in that moment — I am one of those people who sees pictures when God speaks to me so I was especially nervous because what if I couldn’t hear him or what if the picture isn’t clear — but it was. It was clear as day — He said “You are my beloved. I was there. I held you in that moment”. Well, okay God I can’t argue with that. Thanks.
Lastly, (here comes the scariest part//but definitely the best part) you ask the Lord to help you to cut ties with the moment you have been tied down with. It was not easy for me, this is a piece of baggage I have been carrying this weight of shame around for almost a year now. I was scared. How would people react if I told them? What would they think when they found out? The devil was doing all kinds of dances in my brain to stop me from cutting ties but I fought the devil and left my baggage at the door and now I am walking in freedom.
A part of hearing the Lord is to confirm in other believers that what you heard was solid truth and life — it was more than confirmed less than 2 hours later in our worship session. I walked in to worship feeling free and worthy and the first words out of the worship leader’s mouth “I WANT YOU TO KNOW YOU ARE FREE AND YOU ARE WORTHY SONS AND DAUGHTERS”. Yeah God, I see, I get it now. Throughout the remainder of the night it was constant words of freedom and worthiness. It was amazing. I can’t even describe the feeling.
Second chances — ahhhh. I have struggled in my life with forgiving others when I feel I have been wronged but God is constantly showing me where I have closed off forgiveness to some because of something they did years ago. We’re working on it. It’s a process. So I had been praying about forgiveness and how to forgive myself for carrying around sin and shame and then weirdly enough it hit me — driving to work a few days ago…I was listening to the OJ Simpson thing on KLove and hearing how he told the judge that God had forgiven him and he was gonna change his life and then the radio host said “I heard once that God is a God of scandalous grace, you don’t have to do anything, you are just saved by His grace. There is no work or action you have to do to earn a better spot in God’s eyes. Once you have received him, you are His and His alone.” I thought to myself jee if OJ Simpson deserves second chances then I should too….but then God whispered (or actually it was a really sassy kinda remark) and said “how are you better than him? You all have salvation when you accept me into your heart — what makes you better than him? Your sin is left behind I don’t see it anymore” and BOOOOOM. I’m talking cannon, gun shot, clap of thunder, strike of lightening, bowling ball cracking the floor BOOOOM. I never needed to carry my sin and shame. Jesus carried it for me to the cross. I get second chance after second chance because I believe in a God who is so big and so powerful yet so in love with his creations that He sent his son to die on a cross FOR ME. And FOR OJ. And FOR YOU. And FOR EVERYONE WHO RECIEVES HIS OUTPOUR OF GRACE. Man, thank goodness for second chances.
I removed an unnecessary weight the other day. The baggage of sin. The baggage of shame. The baggage of hate for myself for not being good enough to forgive. I got to cut those chains for I do not belong to a God who sees my chains, I belong to a God who sees his son that already carried my chains to the cross.
