PANIC MODE
I feel like I have been living the last 6 months of my life very similar to this gif:
I am sure people can relate! I’m living my life in “panic mode” just hoping to get to the next checkpoint without forgetting anything or messing up. I joke around with my boss that I am allowed to have one mistake a day. Lately, those mistakes have added up and I am wondering why? Why am I expecting to mess up? Because my head is somewhere else making me just go through the motions and not be present? Why is it when there is a minor inconvenience I lose all sight of the big picture?
My mom said something to me recently that is still sticking “Sweetie, I love you and I know you work hard. But you are living in chaos and constant panic mode and it is starting to effect the people around you.”
There I envisioned myself a whirling tornado sucking the people I love into a storm of frustration, anxiety and doubt. Not only was I feeling the repercussions of not taking care of myself, but the environment I created was far from a safe, comforting and welcoming place for people to see Jesus.
Anxiety is real and I definitely struggle with it. Instead of feeding into it and letting it win, I am taking each situation and logically breaking it down to talk myself down from the ledge. It doesn’t make the anxiety go away, but it makes it feel bearable, and that I am bigger than it, that my God is SO much bigger than it. In moments of panic I pray to zoom out a little, to see a little more of a big picture. It isn’t so overwhelming if I know a year from now I won’t even think about that frantic moment.
So, I am taking each moment: each tiny disaster, financial crisis and bad night of sleep and I am trusting God’s greater picture. I choose to be present in the moments and the tasks in front of me. I won’t expect perfection but I will not expect to fail. I’m choosing to wake up 15 minutes early to be grateful for the day ahead.
