I had issues starting this blog. A lot of issues. Like nights upon nights of endlessly pondering ideas as to what to say, and when I say stressful tears were shed; for 1.) don’t laugh, and 2.) try to understand where I am coming from. I am not a writer, I am not even a talker. A women of very limited words. But the issue with that is that I still, despite that major character defining feature, am right here. Writing this blog.
I wanted to find all the right words, to be authentic, and original. Raw and full of emotions. But then I realized that there really may not be any “right” words to say, and the more that I sit contemplating and trying to deem what is and is not, odds are my words are probably going to turn into some super corny, cliche post. So instead I started making some lists.
I made a list of things that were once very much so real to me:
– Not good enough
– No Purpose
– A total waste of a Life
I made a list of what those thoughts lead to:
– corruption
– isolation
– and ultimately self-distruction
I think everybody certainly comes from a different path, and very rarely anyones past looks exactly alike. But I think my little pre-redemption story has a bittersweet familiarity to too many girls nowadays. But if I knew then what I know now, how much pain that I could have avoided, holy cow. If I just knew that I am somebody all along. For so long I allowed the devil to disqualify me because of my track record, because of the things that I did in my past. If you allow it, the devil will take absolutely everything and leave you with nothing. But when I found Jesus I literally found everything I needed and more. I found a second chance and not only was I able to start again but am able to thrive. To be confident in my steps. To know that I have a purpose and that although maybe it is a little unclear at the moment and that can be a little scary, God is going to use me, I am here for a reason and I am going to make a difference. “By the grace of God I am what I am and His grace is not in vain”
So I made one last list:
– I am Somebody.
– I am Loved.
– I am a Child of God.
In these next nine months of preparation before heading to Ghana for a month, I pray for courage. I pray to be bold in faith, to dive deeper into His words and His truths. And lastly, I pray dear Lord please help me with this whole blog thing, I am REALLY trying here.
Blessings,
Kels
