Life is just a journey with a series of racing questions. How do I show others who I am? How do I share how my mind works? How do I put my thoughts into action? What are the desires of my heart and how do I share them? How do I even find out who I am?
It would be nice if there was I clear cut answer. Something to type out on your resume or show in a short film. Life isn’t a movie though, and our stories don’t all have a major climax that is cinema worthy. That is ok. It doesn’t make our stories unimportant. In fact it draws them out into a timeline full of twists and turns, rises and falls ,and at times no movement at all. Our biggest moment in life may be an encouraging word one day. On the outside it may not seem significant , but to you it was essential and great. Our life runs in this constant wavelength and it keeps moving ,however slowly, until the line on our heart monitor stop.
So what do you do with that? How do you find a way to answer all these racing questions within the timeline given? Sometimes you just don’t. It is a necessity to seek answers and constantly grow. It is good to live life to the fullest and find out what makes you tick. If you don’t then you may never see the true value of all you are.The only problem with seeking who you are is who you are constantly changes. When I was a kid I once ate and big white chocolate Santa Clause face stuck on a stick like a giant sucker. I ended up getting sick from it and to this day the scent of white chocolate makes me retch. I have a friend who hated public speaking all growing up. It was the once thing he thought he would never do. Now he speaks to young adults all over the world in mass auditoriums. He found a passion and sought it despite his fear. Who we are isn’t just something to discover. It is something to create.
I self-analyze a lot. It is my nature. I often look deep beyond the surface of the waters because I just know there has to be all kinds of interesting things in there. When I see a ripple I try to find its origin. For example in high school I always wore the most brightly colored and differently styled clothes that I could. As I got older and looked back I wondered “Did I dress up for attention?” “Was there a need in me to stand out I didn’t recognize?” I sit here now and laugh. Yes, I possibly wanted to be noticed ,but honestly I think I dressed that way because that is what I liked. That is what I still like. I like to stand out and be different. There doesn’t have to be anything deep behind it. That is just me.
I am glad I analyze a lot. It is a part of me and I do not want to change it ,but what I realized as of late is that I can not analyze myself to death. I can’t look at every mistake I make and try to analyze them out of me. I can’t keep worrying about who I am and who I am becoming because guess what? I am constantly changing just by nature. I just have to roll with it. I have to be okay with the fact I may never understand the over-arcing question “Who am I”. Guess what? God knows me. He knows my desires even before I am aware of them. He made me right? So He has got my back and will make me the best I can be AND treat me like a princess in the process. I just have to keep my eyes on Him.
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