It’s been a rather eventful 2 weeks of debrief and ministry upon our arrival in Thailand. We had a 10 hour bus ride to Chiang Mai from Bangkok and it almost felt surreal seeing all the Buddhist temples and shrines dotted across the landscape. I was looking forward to eating some authentic Thai food and getting to photograph the overwhelming amount of color and beauty of the landscape and grand temples. All the while in the back of my mind pushing down a nagging feeling this was going to be an emotional month for me. I don’t do the feels. They’re too complicated for me as I sort by thinking so it’s easy for me to get frustrated. It was the familiar twinge that spiritual growing pains were starting.
We arrived at our hostel around 4:30am and already sleep deprived my eyes were adjusting to the huge Buddhist temple with its surrounding idol statues right by the window. The feeling was eerie. At this point all the bars were closed but the air still lingered of alcohol and tuk tuk exhaust. Our squad made our way to our rooms and I was relieved to take a hot shower and finally crawl into bed by about 6am. It was the best 2 hours of sleep as we begrudgingly awoke to make our way to breakfast and have our first debrief meeting with our contact. I was not expecting the orientation we got as our host, Emmi, made us laugh to the point of tears. This 5′ 2″ Thai woman has the best sense of humor and gave us a thorough rundown on their culture and customs. Such as:
The head is the most important part of the body. Never ever touch or reach over someone. Feet are the most dirty and offensive as such you do not point, show the bottom or touch things with them (which is hard for my because I use mine like another set of hands).
Monks cannot touch or take things from women.
To say “hellow/goodbye” you put your hands together like you’re praying, elbows down, touch your nose almost to the tip of your fingers and say “sawadeeka.” They’re very polite so it’s important to show respect.
With logistics out of the way I was stoked to eat some real Thai food and catch up with my squadmates. All the while trying to avoid some things that God was beginning to bring up in my heart. Ha, not for long. Night 3 it happened. A night where we were given opportunities to stand up, confess/proclaim things over ourselves, and pray it out to receive freedom. Great. I thought I had dealt with majority of it, but of course there are always little bits and pieces still left to be pulled. After watching some of the squad get up, the tug on my heart was so strong I felt that if I didn’t go I was going to throw up. So I made my way forward and stood there in front of 55ish people and spoke some truth. Truth that I have a lot to offer and I’m desirable, and I was turning some things over because I trust whatever God is going to do with it. What is great about the race is you have a community of people you are essentially forced to do life with, but in a way that is encouraging and pushes one another to be our true selves in Christ. I sat down shaking, but those around me didn’t have to do much else but put a hand on my shoulder to let me know I was loved and accepted, and especially proud. I left feeling better about a lot of things, but there was so much more stirring in my heart it was beginning to feel unbearable. The growing pains were increasing.
I was relieved to spend some time afterward with a couple of my squadmates, Emma and Derek, and we went to check out the night market scene. We laughed, got some cool Thai pants, tried some vendor food, and met other people who were visiting Thailand for their own reasons. Hearts and bellies full we made our way back to the hostel and less than 50 feet from the entrance a man exits one of the bars with a Thai woman who was drunk and stumbling. We fell silent as we watched them walk in front of us and he tried to keep her upright. We silently glanced at one another knowing the same thing was on all our minds, and in that moment my heart sank into my stomach.
Derek finally said it when we got into the lobby, “I hope they’re not going to do what I think and he’s just trying to be a gentleman…” I wanted to believe it too, but this little voice in the back of my mind said it wasn’t. In that moment Jesus spoke to my heart, “I hate that’s how my children here are first seen.” Woah now. That frustration I was experiencing made sense. I’m starting to experience God’s heart, and man is it heavy for this place. I have always had an affinity for Asian cultures because of their rich history, food, and just the beauty of their art. When someone mentions Thailand to you, what are some of the first things that you think of? I’m guessing everything that was portrayed in Hangover 2, and I’m even guilty of it. This, dear reader, is an absolute tragedy. When God gave me this revelation my heart broke even more and I became angry. I’m pretty sure all of us at some point in our lives, and even now, have been labeled in some way. What then, as a nation, is it like to be known primarily for human trafficking and as a place to escape within the bar scenes as just another lost soul? And yet there is this such a depth and richness that deserves to be known.
A personal project that has been placed on my heart is to shed Thailand in a new light while in the process partner with God in a similar manor to work on some things that he has brought to my attention that I need to grow in. Like Thailand, I am struggling with my own kind of identity crisis. It’s no surprise I’m creative and I love doing photography among other things. However I feel most of my life that has been a box others have placed me in. “Oh she’s the photographer. The artist. The creative one.” And I fully walk in confidence and pride with these gifts God has blessed me with. During our last team time my teammate Mary Elizabeth had a great activity where we wrote our name at the top of a paper and numbered 1-6, then passed it around the group. Each person wrote down some things they loved and saw in us to be encouraging with the last slot being where we wrote what we liked about ourselves. Almost every one had the word “creative” in it with a couple other things that spoke to my character in a deeper way, but none like what I wrote and I was hurt. Not hurt in that they didn’t put something I expected, but hurt in that I realized maybe I’m not opening up these other areas enough to let them see. Like Thailand, I have so much more to offer.
So now beings the process of a newer level of self and what that looks like in Christ, but of course to do that it mean sifting through. I spoke with my team to give me ideas in ways I could pull out those areas to better myself and help everyone. As for my art skills, funny story. Out host, Emmi, is in the process of raising funds for renovations to where we are staying. As in $150,000 worth. This place runs on faith and prayer. She was telling me how some New York architect did the blueprints and everything for her for free, which normally is a $26,000 job, and now they needed help with some branding updates and promotional material to help get the funding. Without even knowing one of the squad leaders was telling her what I do. I sat and talked with Emmi, and she plainly said “I pray to God for him, and I pray to God for you. Now you are here.” I was so stunned and humbled I didn’t know how to respond first. I left the states from my job doing graphics, and was actually intentional on leaving my laptop behind because 1) I didn’t think I’d need it and 2) I didn’t want to do anything with that skill! I was burnt out. Per usual though, God had other plans, and something inside just got so giddy I had to accept. So for the past couple days I have been cranking out a new brochure, logo, and shirt design. My squad has been super encouraging, and it’s been awesome sitting with Emmi throughout the process and hearing more about the vision God has given her for Thailand and ministry. Utterly incredible.
This month ministry is divided into 3 things: intercessory prayer where we walk around the city several times a day praying and proclaiming truth, bar ministry where teams split up and half go into the bars to befriend the girls that work in prostitution while the other stays to pray, and monk chat/slum ministry where teams visit the kids in slums or go and befriend monks. Pretty cool huh? Our team has been doing intercessory the past week and it’s been awesome pressing in and hearing from the Lord. This is one things I got recently and it gave me chills:
“But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. For this reason it says, ‘Awake, sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'” (?Ephesians? ?5?:?13-14? NASB)
That is his heart for this place. How powerful and hopeful. I just love it! Speaking of love, today is Valentine’s Day! And this morning I found out some great news: 1) I’m fully funded!!! 2) I got a $1,400 refund check from my insurance so my funds for the year are squared away. How awesome is our God?! My next blog I will be going a little deeper and sharing some new things God has placed on my heart. Until then, catch you on the flip side.
