Everything is covered with a thin layer of pale, red dust as we drove further and further off the main road through winding dirt paths passing houses on stilts and banana palms. A peaceful familiarity settled in my heart in seeing dried out rice fields and the smell of hay. It was a different kind of countryside and farmland, but being out and away from the city was a welcomed relief. All our group knew was we were the first WR team that would being staying at this orphanage to teach English, play with the kids, and help out as needed. Before the race they threw out the phrase “be prepared to be out served,” and thus far that statement has held true. This month in particular has seriously left me at a loss for words.
There are currently 36 kids at New Hope for Orphans here in Kampong Cham, which is one of several NH orphanages throughout the country. When we arrived Friday it was exciting to see the little faces curiously try to peer in the van windows. I don’t think I really had any expectations for what this place was going to be like, but I was not prepared for how the kids were going to treat us. Hugs. So. Many. Hugs. And literally every day we’ve been here at least one of the kids writes a note saying “I love you.” I’m still at a loss for describing what that makes me feel, but humbled is probably the winner. We came to love on them, but our host, Vandy, has truly instilled in them what it means to love like Jesus. These kids out serve us. They bring us all our meals, water when we’re out playing soccer, do our laundry, and have even brought us these little cakes they baked. What?! And the worship…oh wow. These kids are spirit filled. Our first night here was one of the nights they had it and I remember looking at my teammates and all of us had these stunned looks of just awe. They love Jesus and it shows in what they do. The older ones take care of the younger and it truly is like a family.
I remember laying down in my tent that night thinking about what I had just seen, and asking God what in the world could I possibly have to offer these kids because they put me to shame. The next day I sat to watch them play and one of the older girls came and sat next to me. She bluntly asked “you love Jesus?” I said “yes. He is my closest friend. Do you?” She got the biggest grin and replied “very much.” Her eyes said it all, and I was jealous for that.
I held off on blogging for a couple weeks because part of me wanted to see if the kids were putting on a front to impress us, and I am so glad that has been proven wrong. I could share some of their tragic backgrounds, but rather I know God wants me to focus on what he’s doing here and now in this place. These kids have little to nothing and yet the joy they have is what most of us crave back home. It sounds cliche, I know, but to actually see and experience it does something to the heart. Just being around them is changing me though at times it doesn’t feel that way. Love heals and builds up discretely. It doesn’t have to be grand or well thought out. Just intentional.
So far my favorite moment was one of the nights we were watching the Lego movie with the kids and one of the youngest kids, Phearon (whom we all affectionately nicknamed “little brother”) came over about midway and crawled into my lap. He’d been fighting the flu for a week, so like any toddler he wanted some comforting. Why he chose me I’ll never know, my teammates were all right there, but as he got into my lap he buries his head in my shoulder and curls up into a ball. It wasn’t long before he was fast asleep In that moment nothing else mattered. It’s ridiculously hot here, and holding him was making me sweat even more, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was him knowing he was loved.
Phearon (pronounced Pee-ron) and his older brother still have a mother, but she is dying of AIDS and had to give them up though she didn’t want to. Their father passed away not too long ago of the same thing, and shortly after their house burnt down. Vandy goes to visit their mother to let her know how the boys are doing, to pray with her, and just let her know she is still loved and he’s not afraid of the fact she has AIDS (here it has the same kind of stigma as someone who would have leprosy). When we got here, the brothers were the first two that stuck out to me with fear in their eyes at the newcomers and they were still fairly new to the orphanage. I broke the ice by gently pushing Phearon on the rusty swing set on the grounds away from the others, and he finally showed me that heart melting smile. Now his favorite game is to run and jump off a concrete square while I catch him. Every time he giggles uncontrollably while tightly hugging my neck. He’s got me wrapped around his finger.
Month 1, God’s lesson was about beauty, month 2 was faith and uncovering identity, this month is love. All feeding right into each other and it feels like a constant struggle keeping up with each lesson, but not an overwhelming one. I know they’ll continue to build over the race and after. God and I have been taking a little venture through the book of Jeremiah, which in a nutshell is rather depressing and mainly God reminding his people how he’s going to punish them for their disloyalty. I love Jeremiah’s dedication though. He doesn’t waiver despite how hated he is for essentially becoming God’s messenger of doom. The way God speaks to him is so tender in comparison to the messages for his people. Toward the end of chapter 10 Jeremiah offers up a prayer to the Lord, and it has been my verse for this month:
“I know, O LORD, that a man’s way is not in himself, Nor is it in a man who walks to direct his steps. Correct me, O LORD, but with justice; Not with Your anger, or You will bring me to nothing.” (?Jeremiah? ?10?:?23-24? NASB)
Justice redeems, anger destroys. God is a just God, and like the people of Israel he’s been correcting me for my false idols. When God gave Jeremiah his calling, he spoke sternly saying “Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them.” (?Jer. ?1?:?17? NIV) Being with these kids has stretched my capacity to love, and be loved. They don’t expect anything special, and there’s nothing special I can give.
This month I made a video for our host because they’re in desperate need of another new housing building for the kids. At first I was actually not happy because it felt like I was being shoved back in that creative box again, but with some encouragement from our Squad Mentor I tried changing my perspective. My gifts are not meant to satisfy me, but to bring blessing to others and glorify God. Every month on this race he has presented a chance for me to do just that, and I lost sight of that privilege. Which, is another verse I found in Jeremiah lol:
“Thus says the LORD, ‘Let not a wise man boast of his wisdom, and let not the mighty man boast of his might, let not a rich man boast of his riches; but let him who boasts boast of this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the LORD who exercises lovingkindness, justice and righteousness on earth; for I delight in these things,’ declares the LORD.” (Jeremiah? ?9?:?23-24? NASB)
As we spend our last week here before meeting up with the rest of the squad for Vietnam I’m taking in their laughs and faces. I’ve enjoyed getting covered in dust, and despite the constant threat of lice I’m hugging them close. It was a bush month of no AC, bucket showers, and sleeping in tents, but those things won’t stick out in my memory of being here. It’ll be the days spent swimming in the river and laughing till we couldn’t breathe, and getting gross playing soccer with the kids. God blessed our team with so much joy being here. I can’t say I’m leaving with any sort of profound lesson or obvious sign I made a big change in myself, but I have faith I have in some ways and learning God’s character will take a lifetime. It’s the little things though.
I’ll finish with this final story: One of the nights before my turn to take the bucket shower I was laying on the bamboo cot outside staring up at the stars and for whatever reason just one was visible. I passively thought “God, do you love me enough to make the others visible too?” It wasn’t to test him, it was more like when a kid asks their parent how much they love them. My stars never came out, but I didn’t think much of it. Fast forward to our last week and one of the girls, Nith (who is a twin btw), gave me a small decorated box and told me to open it. When I did I just started laughing. Inside were probably over 100 of these tiny, hand-made stars and a couple notes saying she loved me. I could almost heat God chuckling and saying “see? I’ll do you one better.”
Next month will be a big one for our team. We have some big changes and an ever bigger opportunity to grow in our gifts with the Lord, but that’ll have to wait for another blog ;). Until then, catch you on the flip side!
HIGHLIGHT REEL
1. I got to hold and eat fried tarantula. It actually did taste a little like chicken.
2. I started working on a couple dreadlocks.
3. One of the cows they have loves getting her chin scratched and licking people.
4. The kids would kill giant centipedes and spiders and show us because they knew we were terrified of them.
5. The twins discovered I get scared easily so they made it a game to hide in the shadows and night and jump out at me because they thought my scream was funny.
6. Our host took us to a large man made pond and tricked Hannah and I to jump into it saying all the locals swim there. They don’t.
