This month I have struggled so much with missing home. I have cried many tears and asked the Lord over and over what my purpose for being here is. Being a missionary is way harder than I imagined. I thought a year of crazy adventure and being away from home was what I needed, but since being away I have realized what a crazy adventure of a life I had back home. With the homesickness taking it’s toll over me Satan really crept in with his lies about my purpose here on the race. I began to keep to myself, cry whenever I could be by myself, and I shut myself off to my team thinking there was no point in really knowing them because I was going to go home. I finally opened up to my team about what was going on in my heart and it open the door for the Lord to step in and take back the control that I had tried to take from Him. I decided it was time for a change.
I knew that if I was going to continue on this journey and experience the things the Lord had for me that I was going to have to do something. I decided that I was going to start getting up early and physically and spiritually work myself out. I have started running and with the running came the blessings of seeing the Lord paint His sunrises for me every morning. After almost breaking my legs on the rocky hills I have found my special place on the playground where I spend my time with Jesus. I have changed the way I pray about the day. Instead of just praying for the Lord to get me through the day and play my part, I now pray that God gives me a new perspective. That I see His people as His children that I seek out opportunities to build up the kingdom, that each day He becomes my strength that guides my every step. With this new spiritual mentality God has turned these last few days into ones that I will never forget.
Today is our last Sunday in this beautiful country. It was also our last church service that we would attend. I spent extra time with the Lord this morning and this is what I had written in my journal
“ Lord use me today. Take all that I am and let it glorify you.
Give me the words to speak, the ears to listen, and the hands to work.”
I went into service today with such a since of peace and a feeling that God was moving. As we began to worship, three women stood out to me. One was an older woman who I know loves the Lord with all her might. She is always the first to give you a big hug and watching her worship warms my heart. The other was a little girl in a cream colored dress named Regina. She ended up leaving her seat to come cuddle with me throughout the rest of service. The last woman is one that is still constantly on my mind. She was also older and more weak that the first woman. She was wearing a blue and white striped shirt and this adorable while floppy hat. The first thing I noticed was that her right hand shook horribly. Normally my heart would break for her but today I just started praying over her. From rows away I began to pray that the Lord would restore her strength and that she could lift up her hands to Him without the tremors.
I saw them stop shaking significantly but I knew I wasn’t supposed to stop praying there. I began to pray over her life, begging God to provide for her and her family. That she would continue to love Him the way she clearly did. I just couldn’t take my eyes off of her. God really kept putting her on my heart and no matter how many times I looked away I came right back to her. At the end of service out of nowhere she walks up to me and gives me this beautiful smile and shakes my hand before she walks away. Out of anyone she could have come up to it was I. I still am not sure what the Lord is trying to show me but I am just at awe in how much He answers yours prayers. He gave me His eyes and the Holy Spirit was constantly moving within me. I have never loved a church service as much as this one.
I don’t know this woman in the white hat, I don’t know her name, her past, or her future but she changed my life today. God used her to show me how to love and see His people. His people that He knew He would create with a purpose the day He was crucified on that cross. His people, that He speaks their name over daily. I am in love with that woman in the white hat and I will lift her up to the Lord daily.
I encourage you to seek the Lord in the morning and not ask to get through the day quickly or safe, but that He reveals himself to you in every moment. That each day you see more and more of His love through your struggles, your work, your family, His people, and in everything. I can assure you that the Lord will answer your call and that you will have joy that overflows and you will experience the Lord in a new and intimate way.
