“God’s love is unending, unconditional, and free. It’s not based on what we do or don’t do. It’s not based on who we are or aren’t. It’s not promised to us when we’re “all good to go,” but rather, as God makes clear in Romans 5:8, his love is lavished on us even while we are still sinners.” – Spoken For
So it has been a while since I posted a blog and I think I owe it to all my supporters to let you know what God has been doing in my life this far into the race. One of the major reasons for choosing to participate in the World Race was to find my identity. I wasn’t really sure who I was, what I was becoming, or what I wanted to do with my life. I knew I wasn’t ready to settle down with a 9-5 job, I knew there was something bigger in the world that I needed to experience but I had no idea where to start. I spent the months before the race in prayer and asking the Lord to show me who I really am but I never got an answer.
It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I had this revelation. We were trying to fit 9 people and our luggage into a six-person car (quite common for us here on the field). In order for this to work we had to contort ourselves into crazy positions and shapes just to get the doors closed. It was hilarious and a challenge but something clicked in that moment. Looking back on my life I can see how much of a contortionist I was. I had to change what I looked like to fit in with certain groups, I had to change who I was or how I acted depending on where I was or what season of life I was in. I was never truly the girl that the Lord created; I was who everyone else said I needed to be. I was never happy and never filled. Working for the approval of others is exhausting and never satisfying. Something needed to change.
Even in the first month of the race I was overwhelmed with figuring out who I was. My teammates could speak in tongues, have visions, had the gift of prophecy, and so many other spiritual gifts that I had never seen before. I didn’t feel like I was a good enough Christian or that I wasn’t good enough to be used, but the Lord got ahold of me. I started to train myself to see myself the way the Lord sees me. I stripped off all the makeup that I used to hide my flaws, I stopped worrying about the clothes that I wore because who was I trying to impress, and I started to read the word as though it was a love letter written specifically for me. It was so hard at first. I was so self-conscious about what people would think of my makeup-less face and what people would think about me wearing the same two outfits over and over again, but overtime something changed.
“God carefully fashioned you- your voice, your fingers, your mind, even every one of your eyelashes. He carefully and deliberately crafted you. For all time there only has been and only will be one of you.” – Spoken For
I would look into the mirror and see beauty. I stopped seeing the flaws and started seeing authentic creation. The Lord created me to look exactly the way that I do. I could see Jesus and my parents and I began to love what I looked like because God calls me good. The beauty that we see on TV or the Internet isn’t real, if the Lord wanted us to have eyeliner, red lips, tan flawless skin, and rosy cheeks He would have created us with it. I now walk down the street in full confidence of the beauty that Lord has given to me and I feel so set free (and also have more time to sleep in the mornings)!
“Your beauty comes from inside you. It is the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. Beauty like that doesn’t fade away. God places great value on it.” -1 Peter 3:4
One of my favorite pastors, Stephen Furtick, preached an amazing message on identity that has changed my life. Without the Lord, we aren’t good enough. We aren’t strong enough, smart enough; talented enough, and etc., but with the Lord He completes all the enoughs. With Jesus we are strong enough, smart enough, and talented enough. He created us with the gifts that we need to fulfill the purpose He has specifically given us. If we don’t have the gift of tongues, wisdom, or speaking its not because we aren’t good enough Christians, it’s because we don’t need them to do what God has planned for us.
“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is present, there is freedom.” -2 Corinthians 3:17
Everything that I am is enough for Jesus. The closer that I walk with Him the more intimate we are going to grow and I don’t have to compare my walk with anyone else’s. There is only one Kelsey Shreve and I was created to fulfill a purpose for the Lord that no one else can do. I get to walk with all chains off, arms raised, and head up because the Lord has set me free. I still have so much growing to do and the Lord isn’t finished with me yet but I will no longer contort my true self for anyone else. I am an authentic, smart, bold, beautiful, and worthy daughter of God and not one person can tell me any different.
“ So then, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation: what is old has gone and the new has come!” -2 Corinthians 5:17
