I don?t even know where to begin. I am sitting in my hammock on the porch (my sleeping pad broke night one), listening to the super loud car radios and conversations of the people walking in the streets, trying to figure out how to write this blog. It has been a few weeks here in Santo Domingo, Dominican Republic and it has been some of the hardest weeks of my life. I don?t really know what I am doing here, I never thought in a million years I would be on the World Race away from home and my loved ones.
This month we are partnering with Iglesia Cristiano Benedicion with our host Juan. We have been split into teams for ministry. I have been working with the students under the age of 13 with Shara. Our job is to teach them English. It was stressful at first but now I look so forward to it. The kids are learning and actually understanding. We have learned to wing it and make it fun! I have learned this month that I do really love to teach and that I know God gave me this gift for me to use. I am excited to see where that is going to take me over the course of my life. Because we have such a big group, we have a lot of free time. I know that free time sounds so nice, but really it has given me so much time to miss home. I look at the letters that my friends have written me and I look at the pictures of my family I packed and I long to be with them. I long to be home with food that isn?t potatoe bananas, showers that are warm with actual water pressure, and laundry that doesn?t smell horrible after you wash it. I miss my family and friends just knowing who I am and accepting me always. The world race is already completely breaking me in so many ways.
What God is teaching me this month is that in order for me to really understand His love for me, I need to learn to love myself. I haven?t been able to really feel the intimacy with God since being here and I couldn?t pinpoint the source. After lots of feedback and quiet time, I have discovered that I haven?t fully let go of things in my past that keep me from feeling like I can be loved. I feel like I am constantly telling myself that I am not good enough and that compared to everyone else I am the last person that should be here. If I can?t get over things I have done that I am ashamed of how can God, but then I heard His whispers.
It started as a song that I use to sing all the time that began to play over and over all throughout the church service. It?s called you are more. I began to write it down thinking it was just a random thought, but no it was God. Then during Saturday night church one of my little boys Julian came into the sanctuary. He hopped on my lap and slowly began to drift off. I started thinking of how much I love him. Even though he can absolutely drive me crazy, he can be a bad listener, and he takes our stuff without asking, I love him still. I began praying over him asking the Lord to grab on to him and lead him down His path. Then I began to think of those I loved back home. How I don?t look at their past mistakes or their fears and failures, I look at who they are and who God created them to be. Nothing could change the way I love them!
That is exactly how God feels about me and I know it, I am just having a hard time letting go and accepting it! Being stretched already is something I didn?t expect spiritually this early on in this journey. Having my amazing team here to surround me in prayer and encouragement is better than I can imagine. Be praying for me as you go throughout your day. Pray that God breaks down this wall I have up and that I can fully experience Him and His love. Be in prayer over this ministry and these people this month. Pray over my team and for my family back home. I wouldn?t be here without any of them!! That is all for now. I have a photo blog coming up and more about the fun, crazy things that have happened such as my shirts getting stolen, my homerun in the street baseball game, and so much more!! Stay tuned ?
