I have been home from camp for two days now and I still am processing the way God moved in my life. I can’tput it all into words what training camp was like but it stretched and grew me more than I thought possible. Let me start from the beginning….
Going into training camp I was clueless, nervous, scared, but also so excited to see the people I would be doing life with this year. The first two nights were rainy, freezing, and pretty much awful. I honestly wanted to pack up all my stuff and go home. I was constantly hungry, exhausted, and thrown into days full of no schedule but always jam packed. I was so uncomfortable all the time and I felt as though I had to play someone other than myself because we were always being watched by staff. I came into camp struggling with my self worth and the more camp went on the more I found myself comparing myself to others and feeling not good enough to go on the World Race. I remember on the third day I was sitting in my hammock journaling just asking God to send someone to tell me that I was worth it, but nothing ever happened.
We went to sessions that talked about being filled with the Holy Spirit, healing, and prophesying. I did everything that they taught us but nothing ever came out of it. I kept thinking to myself, ” What is wrong with me? Can God even use me? Why am I here?” I held everything in, refusing to show my true feelings to the rest of the squad and staff. It was so hard to rely on myself and to keep it all together, but then God showed up!
Thursday night after our teams had been revealed we went to the last session of the night. It started with some amazing worship and then God just completely filled that place. I was praying and singing when my mind just started stirring and suddenly I could feel the tears streaming down my face. One of my beautiful teammates Meghan came to me and put her hand on my heart. She said she could feel the emotions and said to not worry that God isn’t finished with me yet. That she sees me running in a field in a white dress just completely free! I cried even harder. Next thing you know multiple girls from the squad circled me and began praying and speaking what the Lord was revealing to them. One girl shouted out that God was telling her that I was worth it. Another said she felt God saying that I was beautiful.
At that point I had no control. I wasn’t just crying, I was weeping. God answered me in the most beautiful way I could have imagined. It was the most beautiful brokenness I have ever felt. The Holy Spirit completely filled me and I could feel it overflow. It was as if I could feel God’s arms around me letting me know that I am His beautiful daughter and that He isn’t threw with me yet. Walls came down that night. I no longer saw girls as just something for me to be compared with, I saw them as beautiful sisters that were there to build each other up.
I’ve never had to rely on God to get me through hunger, the cold, and exhaustion. Training camp stretched my faith and made me realize that God can really get you through anything. Giving it all to Jesus gives you such sweet freedom and overwhelming joy. I couldn’t thank God for my squad (D-squad) enough. He strategically placed us all together to build each other up, to believe in, to pray with, to laugh with, to cry with, and to do life with. These Bold, Brave, Dauntless men and woman are now my family that I would fight for any day. I cannot wait to see what God does without our teams and our whole squad.
For now I am in the process of moving back home, getting prepared for launch, and intentionally spending time and loving on my family. I still have fundraising to do and heart preparation. Please be in prayer over our Squad as we leave in just a few short weeks! It’s a hard and exciting time. Also, if you would like to be apart of this journey and apart of changing lives in God’s kingdom I ask that you consider sponsoring me and giving financially. Your donations would be a part of loving on God’s children, ministering to women involved in sex trafficking, rebuilding communities, and bring more brothers and sisters to Christ. God is going to move big and I would love to have you join in this with me!
More to come on my beautiful team Steadfast Pursuit!!!
