I’m currently listening to a message that I would encourage any reader, any Christian, any human or alien to listen to. “The Man on the Hill� by Anthony Chapman. In a summary of the first few minutes I felt the Lord press on me to pay close attention, this is something I NEED to understand. I need to grasp onto this truth and let it lead me back to Jesus. I have found myself many many, too many, times worshipping the music, worshipping the freedom that I now have because of Christ… INSTEAD of my Savior, Himself. The broken, bruised, bloody, spit on, despised, condemned, whipped body of Christ wants ME, went to the bottom of Hell so that I did not have to pay for my screw ups. I am free because of the pain, agony, tears, and weight that He carried so I never have to.
Oh I have found myself too many times loving the discipleship more than the Holy Spirit that my Father gave me. I have found myself craving to listen to a song or needing a good sermon more than Jesus. Do not get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with music, dancing, singing, preaching… nothing I love it and need it. But I do not need it more than Jesus. I do not want to worship ANYTHING more than my Lover and Father. I do not want to crave anything more than I crave intimacy with Him. Such music, sermons, videos and the like, will help us to understand Him more, they help us to worship Him, they help us to sing the songs that we cannot make up the words to… but those things are not to be worshipped. He is worthy of my greatest cravings… He is worthy of my deepest groaning for “something more�. He is the reason I have freedom… those hands with holes from the rusty nails… the scared body of Jesus Christ gave me freedom because …. HE LOVES ME. And HE is the one I will worship, He is the one I want to be dear to, He is the one that gives me true joy, He is the one that releases peace over my life, He is the one that I will continue to crave.
“Many times we have confused practice and outward appearance with authenticity. Authenticity manifests in the heart and then comes out in the life�.
In my efforts to try and be closer to Him, there are many times I have swung and missed… there are many times where I have wandered too far in one direction and not thought twice about who was leading me… in my attempts to live in the freedom He paid for, I have failed over and over… but without the strike-outs, without the failings… I would not have found the truth. Cheesy but without jumping off into the scary unknown we will never find the hidden treasures that He has for each of us. I don’t know about you but I do not want a life that looks like my best friends and my ma and pa’s and my whole church congregations’. I do not know much about Jesus but what I do know of Him has changed me from thinking like most, He has changed me from acting like most, He has changed me from dreaming like most… things about me have changed because He is ALIVE in me.
This is all so mixed and crazy, and I don’t even think I have a main point… but I just want to share what I have been challenged with. God is always good. He is always sovereign. He will never give up on you or me.
Thank you Father for wanting me. Thank you my love for always keeping your arms open towards me, even when I strike out. Thank you Lord for the freedom that you went to hell for… just for me. Thank you for a love that I still do not understand… but I am in love with you and I know that much. Thank you Father for giving us wonderful instruments and community to help us understand you.
Well I am back! I has been about 3 maybe 4 weeks, but who is counting. I have seen several friends and spent wonderful time with family! I have loved sharing what the Lord did, what I was able to do, I have enjoyed the conversations and questions, I have loved eating cereal and cold milk. I am privileged to say I will be leading one of the January World Race teams! The Lord is so wonderful. I will be helping out in Georgia this October with their training camp and I will also travel with them for their first 4-5months of the trip! This is such an honor for me. I am passionate about the vision that Adventures In Missions has and it is a true blessing for me to continue serving their vision. So once more all my loves reading this, let us pray for the January squads and also for the Lord to continue to speak and guide me closer to Himself.
I love you. I would not have been able to do the things I did this past year without each of you. I wish and hope to be able to thank each of you in person.
airport crew Colleen (soulmate-friend..HA) me, Mama, sis Suz
welcome home hug from my wonderful sister
