I have written and deleted this blog post at least 40 times. I have never had a legit blog before, so please bear with me. I seem to find myself having a million ideas on what to write about but when I sit down to type nothing happens. I am blank. I have known for several months that I would be on the World Race and every day I think about what kind of experiences and people 2014 will hold for me. Since being accepted onto the World Race my emotions have been all over the place. Along with my emotions being all over the place so are my thoughts. Lately I have been bombarded with so many doubts, worries, and fears about the future.
Fear that people will forget about me when I’m gone
Fear that I am disappointing my family by not using my degree and getting a great 40 hour a week job with benefits and a 401K plan
Fear that I will be missing out on so many milestones of friends and family
Fear that I will not be joining the very fast growing group of friends who are becoming engaged
Fear that I’m not going to grad school and have no idea what my life will look like when I come back from the race
Fear that I won’t raise the $16,000 I need to go
Fear that I will get sick when overseas
Fear I will lose all of the relationships I have put so much energy, time, and emotion into
Fear that I’m not spiritual enough, know enough Bible verses, or can pray well enough
The list goes on and on and on and on and on and on
You know what I mean? If I’m not careful, my mind becomes full of these thoughts. However, when I really sit down and think about what I will be doing for 11 months of my life I know that I am 100% supposed to be going on The World Race. I know without a doubt that God has called me to be His hands and feet to the Nations for 11 months starting in January. He has given me this desire and this opportunity for this exact moment in my life.
No matter how scared and worried I am now, I know for a fact that if I were not doing The World Race I would have plenty of other fears facing me with whatever else I was doing with my life.
Fear of not following God’s calling in my life
Fear of not having a supportive community
Fear of losing my relationship with Jesus
Fear of settling for an ordinary life full of routine and no challenge
Fear of never traveling
Fear of hearing and seeing pictures of injustice, oppression, and poverty but not doing anything to help
Fear of not finding my passion and purpose
Fear of never putting my faith into action
So, in the end complacency, comfort, and ignorance are things that I am much more fearful of. I am so much more terrified of living a comfortable life in America and failing to follow Jesus in obedience than I am of any illness, tragedy, risk, or uncertainty that the World Race will have.
