Sometimes I am stronger than I know and other times I think I am stronger than I ought. This partly stems from growing up playing sports; I always desired to be a strong and reliable teammate.
Strength.
Even before the race, the word strength was spoken over me frequently. Please hear my heart when I say that I don’t mean this pridefully. I just have gotten to the point of wondering, “Okay God, what else are you trying to tell me?” Most of the time I don’t think of myself as strong. God is strong, not me. What kind of strong am I supposed to be? The word “Strong” is so vague. Strong in faith, physically strong, mentally strong, etc. So much eb and flow. So much room to fall and often I fail. God gives me much grace in this regard.
The scripture that we hear so often, “My Grace is sufficient, My power is perfect in your weakness,” echoes in my heart. Though I don’t like to admit it, we all have weaknesses but God manifests his power perfectly in all of them.
I absolutely love the guys on my team. I didn’t grow up with brothers, but living with Andy and Troy definitely makes up for that. They are brothers to me. Their friendship has humbled and taught me so much. They have a unique strength that I admire. Despite all of the estrogen, they are so patient in having to live with six girls in this tiny house. They delight in opportunities to serve(which is certainly not what some of us are used to). They know when to give us space and when to give a shoulder to cry on. They know how to see and love us in our ugly moments of weaknesses.
Personally, strength in any form is a beautiful thing. There are so many intangibles under the umbrella of strength. It takes a strong person to fight the flesh and exercise self control. It takes a strong person to let go of everything and surrender it to the Lord. It takes a strong person to humble themselves. It takes a strong person to love, believe, to be resilient and persevere.
I’ve seen these characteristics in many of the people I’ve met in the last 6 months. Hearing so many incredible stories and always thinking to myself afterwards, “There is no way I would be strong enough to go through something like that.”
God has been using the World Race to redefine a lot of things for me; widening and turning my perspective upside down. Back in August, a good friend of mine on the squad wrote a letter for me on my birthday and at the end there was a scripture from Isaiah that I read almost every single day. “In repentance and rest is your salvation; in quietness and trust is your Strength.” There’s that strength word again. At the time and even still, I want strength to come from what and how much I do, but God shows me otherwise. There is strength in our weaknesses, in our stillness, and all the intangibles that the world puts no hope in.
“God doesn’t want to number your failures or count your accomplishments as much as He wants you to have an encounter with Him…The work at the very heart of salvation is the work of the very heart of Christmas: simply rest.” (Voskamp, 87)
As I loosen the reigns of always trying to be the strong woman, I am finding so much freedom. Freedom, despite my many weaknesses, in the fact that Christ isn’t judging me on my performance and accomplishments. Freedom in this season of unknowns and uncertainties. Freedom to allow God to continually shape my perspective with His truth and refine my faith. Freedom to believe and be satisfied being content in Jesus alone.
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Thank you, Lauren Sigmon, for introducing me to the new Florence + The Machine/Lana Del Rey.
Here is Strong by London Grammar
Voskamp, Ann. “The Greatest Gift.” Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., 2013-09-01. iBooks.
