Like many of my squad mates, preparing for the race has forced me to deal with a lot of issues I didn’t even know existed.
Things like pride and bitterness were slowly choking my life and robbing me of experiencing God to the fullest.
Recently after a lot of tears and prayer I felt like God was nudging me to deal with long passed offenses directly. There were mistakes I needed to apologize for and offenses that I needed to address. Simple miscommunications and hurts had all piled up causing my heart to be hard in certain areas. Somehow I had isolated myself from certain individuals in the church while still being an active participant. I was at every event yet feeling so alone.
Confrontation is never easy.
I was terrified to address the situation but the uncomfortable strangling of bitterness outweighed the awkwardness of confrontation. I decided that my heart was more important than the fear of addressing the situation. Seeing and experiencing God, was more important than the possibility of losing a friend. I didn’t know how this person was going to react. I was terrified of the can of worms it could open but I knew the poison of bitterness was all too real to risk it.
The conversation was tough. Things from years past were brought up, things I didn’t necessarily want to hear. But honesty and humility paved the way for reconciliation.
I drove home fighting the attacks of the enemy almost immediately but decided to cry out in the same breath “IT IS FOR FREEDOM THAT I HAVE BEEN SET FREE”
I knew that I was allowing silly things to get in the way of me seeing and experiencing God. The last thing I wanted was to carry all this shame, guilt and bitterness with me half way across the world. God intended for me to be free.
-I made a decision that morning to not let bitterness poison my life for years to come.
-I decided no matter the outcome I was going to obey God
-I chose to face my fears and allow God to heal me in all my brokenness
I can know recognize the lies of the enemy and spend the next two months before I leave knowing that I am committed to my church my ministry and my people here in Jacksonville.
Even though there were things I didn’t necessary want to hear, am so thankful that God allowed the conversation to go smoothly. Understanding over certain events was made possible and God used my friend to speak so much truth over the lies the enemy had planted. Friends, I highly encourage you to ask God what is hindering you from seeing him. Get on your face and pray the tough prayers. And whatever the answer God gives you, deal with it….NOW. It is for freedom you have been set free. Praise God that when we uproot bitterness friendships can be reconciled, weights can be lifted off and his peace can flow like a river.
