I’ve been home from training camp for about three weeks. I’ve been struggling to write a blog about it because I don’t know how to explain what I experienced over those ten days. Training camp was tough- physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I pulled up to training camp an anxious and broken wreck. I was so nervous that I was literally shaking and my chest felt tight, it was hard to breathe. I slapped a smile on my face and told myself repeatedly to pull it together as I met my squadmates and we set up camp. As I was putting up my tent for the first time, I felt overwhelmed. I stopped for a minute and asked God to help me through whatever He had planned over the next ten days.
You see, training camp made the whole World Race thing real for me. Sure, I had been talking about it for months. I bought the gear, researched the countries where I’d be doing ministry, made a list of pros and cons, questioned my sanity, etc. Camp was the final test. I told myself that if God really wanted me to go on the Race, He would show that to me at camp. And He did just that.
The physical part of camp was difficult. It was much colder than I expected, especially at night. I wasn’t particularly happy about waking up at 6am to work out. I was tired. I was hungry. I was covered in red Georgia dirt. But, after the first few days, none of this seemed to matter.
Throughout the week they put us through several scenarios that we might encounter on the field. One night my pack went “missing” so I shared a tent with a friend (luckily I already had practice for that one because the airline lost my luggage on my way to camp for a night). One night we slept in a simulated “airport”. One night we packed 13 of us in a tent and slept basically on top of each other. One night I tried to be outdoorsy and slept in my hammock while the rest of the squad stayed in their tents (I don’t recommend that in October, I was shivering).
The food was scarce. They gave us a plate of food at each meal and we had to split it up to feed 8 people, often without any plates or utensils. I have a newfound love for antibacterial hand wipes.
The porta potties were literally almost overflowing at one point. Baby wipe showers became the norm and two times I washed my hair with my water bottle. By the third day I stopped caring about how I looked/smelled/etc. People were starting to get to know me for who I was on the inside instead of what I looked like on the outside. It was daunting at first, but it was so refreshing.
I loved getting to know my 40 squadmates. We all had different stories. But, we had one thing in common; we all loved Jesus and we all wanted to pursue Him wholeheartedly. Each one of these people had been broken at one point or another, but they were all still beautiful and alive in Christ.
We laughed together and we cried together. We danced together and we worshiped together. I was blown away by how much love I could feel from 40 people that I had just met. It was a weird thing for me. I had struggled to love myself for so long, so how could these people love me already?
We learned a lot during those ten days and touched on some heavy material. Shame, guilt, and forgiveness were just a few of the topics we went over. I had to make a list of what made me feel guilt and what made me feel shame, as well as who I needed to forgive. Some ugly things came up. I remembered how I wasn’t a nice person in the past. My heart was still hurting from previous relationships. I felt ashamed because for so long I lived a sinful life and now there I was trying to go tell the world about Jesus.
God did a lot of healing in my heart that week. I had let my past define me, but that wasn’t going to be the case anymore. He has always loved me; I just didn’t always want to believe it.
God is so much bigger than any of our brokenness. He created each one of us perfect in His image. Ephesians 2:10 tells us that we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago. The reason each of us matters is because of what God says about us- not because of our past, our current circumstances, or what we think of ourselves. You have worth because of what God has done for you. And if you’re good enough for God, nothing else matters.
God used training camp to assure me that He wants me going on this mission trip. I was chosen as one of three women on my squad to be an ambassador for the Beauty for Ashes women’s ministry that is part of Adventures in Missions. I’m no longer fearful of being inadequate or not being “qualified” for this mission trip. He freed me from the bondage of my past and taught me how to love myself. If God can do that much in ten days, I can’t imagine what he is going to do over 11 months. Stay tuned!
