After returning from Guatemala this summer, I felt such a powerful void in my heart that could only be filled by the Holy Spirit. I had a tendency to lock myself in my room and cry out to God asking Him why He let these children and these people live in such conditions, and why I was here and they were there. It wasn’t making sense to me, but I had to trust, and I still trust, that God has a plan for all of His children. That isn’t to say that I can just rely on His trust alone and forget about it; I know this pain was just the beginning of understanding His calling for me: to go out and love the forgotten children and be His hands and feet in not so glamorous places.
Accepting this calling was a huge thing. Signs were everywhere… I had dreams about it, I couldn’t shake the thought, and The World Race kept popping up on my Facebook newsfeed. I had done plenty of research on the WR but I put it on the back burner in my mind for about a month. I didn’t talk about it because maybe, just maybe, if I didn’t talk about it, it would’ve just disappeared? No. God was persistent. He wasn’t letting this one go. I knew I wanted to do something like this, but the money… the 9 month factor… it all just seemed too unrealistic. This is where the whole trust thing comes into play again. I told God, “ok, I’ll just apply. But I’m too broken and not good enough for this whole shindig anyway.” I trusted that God would have me accepted if that was His plan for me. But here’s the thing: once I applied, I was so eager to be accepted. I immediately knew that this was, without a doubt, what He was calling me to do. The intimidating application and interview questions just made me realize that it’s my brokenness that makes me so fit to love the broken.
After I was accepted, I realized that this was officially a reality. I then realized that, wow, $13,800 is a lot of money! I decided to put off school this year to work and get involved in more to help me grow in my faith. Anything is possible with Christ. But it makes it really hard when family members have such high hopes for you with school, and you’ve got a pretty great scholarship that you’re going to lose if you put off school. It’s hard explaining to people that I’m no longer going to school for next to nothing, but rather working minimum wage jobs to raise money for this 9 month trip that God told me I needed to do. It’s even harder explaining that to people who don’t know Jesus. Again, though, I just had to trust in Him and keep my faith.
Trusting Him is the greatest thing I have ever done. Ever since I applied and was accepted, He’s opened so many doors for me. He is showering me with blessings. I’ve never ever been more aware of His presence; I can physically feel Him working in my life. And I mean that literally. I am constantly seeking Him and craving more; I never understood the meaning of “on fire for Christ” until I completely trusted Him and began feeling so hungry for more. I am now so very very on fire for Christ. And I mean that figuratively. God is so good, guys.
That’s all I’ve got for my very first blog post (I probably did this whole blogging thing wrong, oh well. #newbie), but I’m just so eager to share my experiences in trusting God. Have a blessed day/night/morning/evening <3
