To everyone that has supported me thus far, whether that be financially and or prayerfully. I want to say thank you. Just those words don’t seem fitting. How do I even properly say thank you enough? I wish there was something super profound I could say that could make you feel the gratitude that my heart feels.
Coming into this whole raising money thing was hard. $17,562 seemed impossible. My thoughts. How is anyone ever going to want to give me money knowing my past. I must look like a complete fool. There are so many other great causes out there why would anyone ever give me money? Even after money started rolling in, these thoughts continued to flood my mind. All the while, God telling me you’re already fully funded don’t worry about it. Yeah, except no i’m not Lord! I get what you’re saying but my account still shows I need X to be fully funded and I’m no where near that. This past year or so has been a stretch of faith like nothing I ever knew was possible. Honestly if I had known what I was in for I probably would’ve never even signed up for the race. Luckily God knows what a procrastinator I am and gave me just enough of what I needed before I could catch on and back out.
Yeah there’s something nerve racking about asking people for money. Especially when I’ve never fund-raised a single dollar before. Literally letting go of every thought or expectation people may have of me or I may have of them is not easy. A lot of growth came from this part of the journey. Like those FROG bracelets. It taught me to fully rely on God. Thats hard when you’re not even a year into following Jesus and you’ve lived for yourself for so many years. How do I even begin to trust him in this way? Yeah sure I know $17,562 is nothing to God but it’s a whole lot to me! Not only that I had zero gear, zero clothing, and zero idea of how to come up with any of it. By this time I had already taken the leap and there was no turning back. Then all of a sudden Jesus started showing up!
Literally the first day I got accepted I needed $250 to secure my spot. I didn’t have it. I didn’t know when I’d have it either. A friend of mine came over that same evening and we grilled out and are talking. Never once did I mention how much money I needed or anything. Later that night as he’s leaving he slips me my first donation. $250 check. Hmmm alright God I see you! The next few months were weird. You can see totals on my donations list, I’d have amazing months where a couple thousand would come in and months where not even a couple hundred would come in. My donations list literally looked like a roller coaster ride. What’s funny is I really couldn’t do many fund raisers either. I had to work to get rid of some debt I was in before I could leave. (thats whole other story in itself) Either way I was able to post and send out letters when I could. Most months was me feeling like I wasn’t doing nearly enough. Yet there he was, you’re already fully funded don’t worry about it…
I made the first few deadlines. Then the biggest one so far was coming up. This was the deadline that would determine whether or not I got to Launch in January. I had posted something the night before stating exactly what I needed but that was it. I was working out in Colorado so there wasn’t much I could do but pray. Literally the morning of the deadline date I needed $2,300. By 12 o’clock that afternoon I had had $3,200 come in. What’s funny though is it came from over 20 different people. I was in total shock! But what I was most shocked about was the fact that I was actually hearing God’s call to go on this race. So many times up until this point I had doubted being able to actually here the voice of God. This was his way of confirming in me what I was actually hearing to be true. Honestly it scared the hell out of me. Woah!!! You can hear God. That’s intense man.
So everything else up to that point was pretty normal. Made my next couple of deadlines yet still not fully funded on paper. So our final deadline was like April 19th I believe. I can’t exactly remember how short I was. Somewhere around $2,400. Two weeks prior to this date we were in Nepal going on a two week trek. The entire time I just knew I was going to come back and be fully funded. This was what I was praying for. This is what I was believing God for. So here I was not sweatin it cause I got faiths in God, he’s gonna take care of me right? We get back from the trek on like the 18th. I go check my account, Nothing… Alright I still have a day I’m not going to start worrying yet. Let’s just see what happens. 19th rolls around and I go check my account. Still again nothing. Then I flip! I pretty much lost my cool with him. I think I mentioned this in my previous blog about Nepal but I was mad man. You’ve told me this entire time I was fully funded. Now here I am on the date of the deadline needing $2,400. What gives dude?
I walked home pretty hot. Really letting God know how I felt. That brought out, not just about the funding, but other things I had been seeing and experiencing. I was mad at him. Then I got home and realized oh yeah its not quiet the 19th in the states yet. That didn’t matter I was still pissed. I was just bitter. Here I was doubting everything that i’d learned and thought that i’d been hearing up to this point. So the next day I went to check my account fulling expect nothing to be there cause God had forgotten about me and left me out to dry, and boom there it was. A donation to the exact number of what I needed… My jaw hit the floor. Here it is, the afternoon of the 19th in America and I’m fully funded… You know that awkward moment when you accidentally fart in public and look around to see if anyone had heard? That’s exactly how I felt with God. Awkwardly holding my head down like maybe he hadn’t heard my prayers not 24 hours earlier. Yet all the while knowing he heard every word I said and thought I thought. Part of me wanted to feel ashamed but I just couldn’t because I was so stoked but in shock. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was almost hard to believe this was real life.
So on my way home I made it a point to apologize for my selfish behavior the day before. And guess what? No condemnation! His promises were and still are true. He covered me in grace, yet still hearing me out and understanding my frustrations. Never once did I receive a see I told you impression or a you’re lucky I cared enough feeling. No all he did was love me. All he did was show me a deeper sense of his heart for me. We walked and talked the entire way home. I sensed his explanation of this entire “fund raising” process. He’s always wanted what was best. He works outside of time and space and what we can see. He was stretching my faith outside of what I can see. His ways are perfect still. So yeah he could’ve given me $17,562 in one lump sum easily. But loved me enough to grow me and my faith through each and everyone of you.
So yeah my thank you truly means thank you! Thank you for believing in me. Thank you for trusting me. Thank you for your step of faith in supporting me. The people we’ve gotten to minister to so far thank you as well, I know it! Hearts and lives have been changed for all eternity. That’s huge man!! Families are being mended. People are literally being touched by God through our being here. Yeah I’m the conduit but y’all are the ones that helped make it happen. And it’s only month 5! So keep lookin out there’s a whole lot more to come I’m sure of it!
