After having returned from the World Race life has been… well, interesting to say the least. The time between coming home and project search light has been some of the hardest yet pivotal season I’ve ever walked through with Jesus. Which, for those of you that don’t know what Project Searchlight is, it is a time where all the squads that launched with me come together and basically unpack everything from the past year up until this point. So with that, The race was great. It was obviously life changing. There were things that God did in me this past year that would be impossible for me to forget or let go of. The biggest take away from the race was that it was really great about showing me all the areas of my life that I really needed to work on or that I was still being Kelsey, my fleshly self. I think on the race it’s easy to see those things or receive it in feedback from teammates and work on it maybe for the moment then go on about life. For me anyways. The race was chaotic, especially for Expedition there wasn’t a whole lot of downtime. We were pretty constant on the move. So basically I learned to take my “stuff” and shove it under the rug and keep moving.
Well being home was a totally different story, and don’t get me wrong I’m so thankful for what God has done in me this past year. I started following Jesus just under three years ago and all I’ve wanted in my walk with him is to grow and learn and somewhat try to submit to him as best as I possibly can every single day. I learned quick saying and actually doing were two totally different things. Anyways, I’m home from the race. I found out right before the race ended that I would actually not being turning around and flying back out to the Middle East with Kingdom Journeys like I had originally planned. So here I am seemingly empty asking, now what? What the heck am I supposed to do? Better yet what just happened? 2016 was by far the most packed, wild, fastest year of my life and I get back to America and it seems time has literally just decided to stand still. What do I do? I go to God. I’m not leaving again so now I’ve got all this free time. I know that I should process and figure out what is life, even though I really didn’t want to at all, I knew that it was the only way to get to where I wanted to go. Sooo I seek God.
In my walk with Jesus, the idea of righteousness, holiness, and purity have been fundamental. I’ve gone some pretty round about ways in my pursuit of these things only to find my self humbled time and time again. Good stuff none the less, God sees my heart he knows my desires. He realizes that all I’m after is to be more like him. So how does he decide to start giving me these things? And just so we are all aware, this is a totally new concept for me. In my pursuit of righteousness Jesus shows me all of the areas of my life where I am unrighteous. In my seeking and yearning for holiness he reveals to me all of the areas where I am not holy and the same goes for purity. Not at all to shame me. If anything I’ve learned and understood on a deeper level then I ever have the grace and mercy he so freely extends to us all. That’s not to say he didn’t let me fall on my face a few times before showing me this stuff cause lets be real, It sucks. It’s hard. It’s not at all what I was expecting. The only thing I can say about this season of my life is that I know that it will be worth it one day! I know that he is transforming me into the man he has always seen me as, the finished product. I also know that 2 years ago there would have been NO WAY I would have ever decided to continue to follow him. I would have ran far and fast because it hasn’t been easy. Spiritually it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Yes, being back home. Sure the race had it’s moments but this, this is the stuff God is going to use to propel me forward in my walk with him. So I embrace it. I take it on the chin and I keep walking. Im grateful for it. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.
Something else he has given me that I’ve had but never fully grasped is the desire to know his word. This book is hands down the most important thing in my life, sorry mom, but seriously without it I’d be doomed. It has shown me so much, not only about myself but literally everything and everyone around me. I’ve always thought it was the best book ever written but it’s since being back in the states have I ever truly burned to really know and live out what it says. Up until now, I was great at custom tailoring certain passages and verses to fit my life the way I needed at the time or to make myself feel better about my situation. Something’s flipped in me though. I don’t care what I think it means or what you think it means or what anyone else thinks it means. I only care what Jesus meant and thats it. Sure I’m gonna weigh opinions and other peoples knowledge of the word, of course, but at the end of the day the Father is going to speak into me what he wants me to know about his word and thats what is so rad about the Bible. I’ve literally been mind blown the past couple of months. Like spending weeks on passages and hours upon hours on single verses. Its changing me man. I’m seeing everything totally different because of it.
Prior to coming to Project Search Light though, I was really starting to feel bogged down. Mostly by the things I felt like I had to do to achieve this end goal right? I feel like its personally just adding so much more to the list of ways that I’m not at all like Jesus. But Jesus saw that coming as well. Someone said something the other day during one of our sessions that really opened my eyes. It was simple but hit me like a ton of bricks. They said stop trying to figure out everything you have to do and just ask God to invite you into his will for your life. They said that and again it felt like something had been lifted from my shoulders and some scales had fallen from my eyes and a sense of peace came over me and for once in a long while I could just be content with where I was spiritually, physically and emotionally. If there was only one major take away from this entire PSL that would be the one. It seems simple but I know that it’s what God had for me.
So now what to do with it? The race is over. I can flip the page and continue running after God with all that I have. Im not bound, I have no reservations, zero regrets, nothing holding me back. The race was a great year but I promise you it wont be the greatest year of my life, if that makes any sense. God’s got so much more to do with me. I have no idea the places he will take me and the things we will do. Even though God is still refining and working things out, I know that he’s up to so much more then I can see. I will continue to abide and walk in faith. Hand in hand with the spirit wherever and whatever he wants to do. I’m all in! I feel refreshed. I feel revived. I feel renewed. I am totally expectant and excited for what the future holds!
