My Turkish Nickel
The last few months of my life have been nothing short of crazy. It’s been hard. Its been emotional. I’ve experienced growth, pain, joy, disconnect and complete confusion. Leading into training camp for the World Race, I honestly thought I was going to drop this whole idea of traveling the world because I felt like it wasn’t from God anymore. I was at a total loss and had no clue where to go.
One day I was running in Atlanta on a running trail, which if you’ve ever been to Atlanta you know there’s not a ton of wooded area. This particular trail happen to have a good bit of surrounding woods. Yes, between apartment complexes and massive parking lots but none the less, in the woods. This particular day was no different then most.
My running times usually consist of a lot of prayer and worship. I use it as a time to get alone and get away from the everyday hustle. So this day I really had a lot weighing on me and really needed to talk to God about it. God, do you really want me to go on the World Race??? Is this your idea or am I just trying to escape from reality like I normally do?
So, I’m praying this you know. Ok God if you don’t want me to go that’s fine! But I need you to align my heart and my mind to fully believe that if this not what you would have for me, that you will show me what you want me to do. I’m sitting here no money has come in in a few months the doubt of you actually calling me to this journey is very real. I’m ok though with not going because I know you’re not going to take from me without giving me something better. I’m cool with not going on the race but Please! God tell me what you want me to do. At this point I’m mentally lost and totally confused.
I pray it. I say amen, and I crank my music back up. Not ten minutes later I’m in the woods, it’s October, there’s leaves everywhere and I look down and see a dime. Not thinking about a dirty dime I keep running and immediately I hear the Holy Spirit tell me to turn around and pick it up. Without question or thinking about it I turn around and pick it up. As I’m reaching down to grab it I notice the crescent moon with the star in the center and recognize this as a Turkish coin.
Kind of in shock and not really sure how a Turkish nickel would have made it to the woods. I kind of write it off as insignificant. All the while not being able to stop thinking about this coin. Soo I start questioning. God is this my answer? Is this what you’re trying to show me? I mean Turkey is on my list but what would that have to do with anything. Your spirit told me to pick it up yet I’m still so unsure of what or why this is supposed to mean anything.
Everyday for a week or so I looked at it, I thought about it, still never receiving a full on answer to if it even meant anything for me, or was it just a coincidence. Someone told me one time there was no such thing as coincidences but I literally believed that person was wrong and that there was coincidences because this nickel means nothing to me.
Until I got this thought. Knowing that God had certain meanings for certain numbers I thought hmmm what if the number 5 means something to God. I looked it up. Turns out the number 5 was actually the number for Gods grace. And it hit me. God was leading me into a deeper sense of his grace!
I can doubt and question him all day long. Even up to the point of non belief. I can say ahh he doesn’t speak, he doesn’t love me. Why would he care about my life? I can curse him I can scream at him I can get royally pissed off with him. I can turn my back on him. One things never going to change. His grace! It’s already been given. No more. No less. I can’t comprehend it. I can question it all day long but it will never change a thing.
The fullness of what grace means to me is mind boggling nor do I wish to understand. I didn’t receive a yes or a no that day. He didn’t say yes I want you to go still or no I don’t want you to go. What he did do was open my mind to a deeper sense of the grace and mercy he offers his children. He already told me yes a long time ago! I doubted him at least 1000 times since applying to the world race. That didn’t change his answer! What it did do though was taught me to trust him deeper.
He stretched me during that time. He continued to shape mold and form my heart into the promises he had invited me into months before. He wouldn’t let me forget it. He never left me. He never forsakes me. He’s never lied to me and I trust he never will. He’s good and perfect and his love is abundant.
Sitting here at pre-launch just a couple of days before flying to Indonesia to actually begin this incredible adventure that God did say Yes, Go. I’m almost overwhelmed at the life he has led me in to. I would have never guessed it or called it for my self. It’s been unbelievable to look back and see the tangible evidence of a life radically changed all because of a cry of desperation. God please I need you!! If you’ve ever said that from rock bottom you know how real and painful and dark that moment in time can be. When his name literally feels like your last hope, your last option or the only way up.
I think it’s in those times that Jesus truly does long for his child’s heart. When we have nothing left but an empty tank and a bunch of scars and bruises, I believe Gods saying it’s time to go! Time to get him. Time to go get my son! And I believe it puts a huge smile on his face. Not that we’re hurt and in pain but in the hope that at our darkest hour we would cry out and say GOD! I can’t do it anymore. If you’re really out there and you can hear me Please show me something… Anything! It’s in that moment I believe he gathers his troops and sets out on a story of redemption. A prodigal with his head down kickin rocks, our fathers running for us out of pure joy!!
Wow. I could write a book on all that has happened in my life over the last couple of years. It’s amazing to look at the source of it all. It all started with one single yes. My life was forever changed. I can’t explain why or how. I don’t care if you believe any of this or not either honestly. What does matter is there’s a God up there that loves me no more or less then he loves the next person. I am not special. I didn’t receive any sort of 101 training on this is how you make God bless you. No, I said yes! I walked that out daily. It’s been tough. it’s been uncomfortable. I’ve messed up numerous amount of times. I’ve even given up I’d say at least 10 times. He said No, I’m not done with you my son. He’s had to pick me up and force me to knock the dust off my knees. He’s had to carry me but never not even once has he given up on me. That’s GRACE!!
