Yes, I know that I am not punny, but I try. Georgia has been difficult. I still have a mindset that if I change my surroundings, life will change. THIS.IS.NOT.TRUE. Life follows you wherever you go, the good, bad, and the ugly.
Gainesville, Georgia was a fresh opportunity / a way to escape my current situation / far away from ‘home’ — and therefore, I thought, a way to escape my problems. But my problems/issues are always right behind me, like a shadow I cannot break free from. I am fully aware that life will always deal me speed bumps, but it is all in how I navigate the speed bump that I let it affect me. And for too long, I have not navigated the speed bump well. It is not ‘home’ I need to escape from (I love and miss my home very much), but I would love to be free of some of the memories and of this weight I have allowed to sit on my shoulders too long.
And I know how to rid myself of this weight. I have known for a long, long time. So, why do I still carry it?
That’s a darn good question.
Somewhere along my way, I lost myself. I lost my self-confidence, my self-respect, my self-worth: all these things and others. And it is not easy to find them again.
I can probably pinpoint situations where I lost a little confidence, then something else happened and I lost a little more. I never stopped to find what I lost and all of a sudden it was gone.
I am a quiet person, I don’t think I have ever been loud or the life of the party, but sometimes I feel invisible. Sometimes it is nice to blend in, but other times I would like to be noticed.
I know that in order to be noticed, something has to change — and that something is my attitude towards myself.
I need to learn to see the value in myself: that I am a good friend and fun to be friends with, I am fun to be around, I can add value to a conversation (besides puns), that what I have to say is worth hearing, and so much more.
Why am I telling the ‘whole’ world (or my 75 followers) these things? Because I am ready to take the steps towards actually believing in myself. It is a choice and something I need to choose daily to believe.
God has called us His children. He says we are chosen, we are royalty and we are worth it.
Things in Georgia haven’t been easy. In a way I have made it harder on myself by not believing in myself. I have been challenged by some people that I need to change this mindset. And I agree. I am walking through some Inner Healing (walking people through healing of all kinds — physical, emotional, spiritual, etc. — with the guidance of the Holy Spirit). This will be quiet the process, as I have mastered the art of compartmentalizing and it takes me a while to find the root issue. I would definitely appreciate your prayers as I go through this process.
I have a few things I am working on with the World Race Dept. We are working on improving our Unsung Hero program and I have been able to interview many of my friends about their experience with it on the Race. I have really enjoyed observing and learning how ‘the other side’ of missions works. It takes many people, many hours, and lots of prayer to get people out on the field and keep them there.
Also, I went to see Randy Rogers Band and Wade Bowen on Friday with a fellow displaced Texan and some friends at the Georgia Theatre.
So while things aren’t always peachy, I choose to not let it dampen my day (even those rainy ones). I choose confidence for myself. And I am asking YOU to help hold me accountable to this choice.
