“So, lets be clear.
You will fall into sin. Everyone does.
And you’ll still be slow to face your mourning. Everyone is.
Just understand that in your hesitancy to mourn your sin,
you’re also delaying the blessing of God.
There is no way to get to that blessing without the mourning that precedes it.”
~ Kyle Idleman
If I have found one quote which accurately describes my time during these past four months, and what I assume the next 7 will be like, it is this one.
Life “in the field” or “on the Race” it not simply comprised of pretty pictures, nice people, relaxing days, best friends, etc.
No, the real life picture of my day to day is tears, and lots of them.
Heartache and mourning – mourning the internal and the external.
Difficult and uncomfortable conversations a.k.a. facing the cold hard truth I so often was able to escape at home.
Learning to trust complete strangers with your whole heart; your whole life.
Learning to look out for others and hope they’ll do the same for you, while simultaneously tearing down the walls which have protected my heart for so long.
Learning to trudge through the pain, difficulties and sadness with a heart of thankfulness, and then, asking God to give you another does of the pain, difficulties and sadness.
But why?
Why would someone ask for another does of such…misery?
Well, because, in the end it will all be worth it.
It will be worth it to tear out the roots of lies Satan has fed me and I’ve believed for so long.
It will be worth it to learn who I really am in Christ.
It will be worth it to go through the mourning now, in order to experience the blessing later.
Because if Esther could endure one year of a beautification process for a husband she wasn’t even sure she would like, I can too.
I can endure one year of mourning, or beautifying, in order to allow God to mold my heart into exactly what He intended it to be.
One year of beautifying my heart for God, myself and every other person I encounter for the rest of my life.
The blessing of a heart more aligned with God’s heart will always be worth it.
Don’t get me wrong, I do get to take pretty pictures, meet TONS of nice people, have relaxing days from time to time and I am making some AMAZING friends…but don’t forget, a book cannot be judged by its cover. Though someone may smile in all their pictures, does not mean their heart is smiling too.
The joy of the Lord may be a persons strength to get through the day, but receiving a blessing is always preceded by mourning in their heart.
