I think I read an interview once where an actress said that her key to staying thin was taking the stairs. I probably rolled my eyes and made a smart remark about the stair s leading to her personal trainer or maybe I just stopped reading at that point but for whatever the reason, I started thinking about that interview today and I couldn’t stop. Like most things as of late, I couldn’t help but feel like this “random” thought was from the Lord- that He was trying to tell me something through my mind wandering.
The next thing that came to mind was a conversation I had a few months back with a close friend. She was venting about her seemingly never ending struggles with the same things. Her thinking was that our all powerful God can do ANYTHING. He can create the world, He can miraculously heal, He can raise from the dead- so what stops Him from taking care of the small stuff? Why doesn’t he reach down and heal our childish heartbreaks instantaneously? Why doesn’t He financially bless us whenever we’re in need? Why doesn’t He heal our family members who fall ill or stop us from making stupid mistakes? Essentially, WHY does He make us take the stairs when He could take us places faster than any elevator could?
Not long after I had this mental conversation, I found myself perusing facebook. During my mindless scrolling I came across something that hurt me. Something I’d thought I’d gotten over years ago. A set of stairs I thought I’d climbed long, long before. Immediately I brought my frustration before the Lord. What is THIS still doing here? Where is this coming from? I’ve given this hurt to You a million times. I’ve come so far from this. I shouldn’t have to walk this again. What is even the point?
Once again, God brought that interview to my mind. “What happened when she climbed the stairs?” He asked… She lost weight. So what would happen if God always let us take His spiritual elevator? Sure, we’d be on the top floor but we’d weigh a heck of a lot more.
Despite all of my efforts the past 9 months, I’m still selfish and stingy. I’ve still got a lot of pride to lose. I need to get rid of some judgment and some insensitivity and while I’m at it, I’d like to drop my need of affirmation from men. I’ve got hurts that are still healing and some self hatred for the hurts I’ve caused others. The fact is, I’ve still got a lot of weight to lose.
I guess what I’m realizing is that jumping floors wouldn’t be as satisfying as I thought. Getting there instantly would mean sacrificing all those stairwells littered with old hurt and shame. It would mean carrying a lot of dead weight into the next chapter of my life- and coming from a girl who carries all of her possessions on her back, trust me, every pound counts.
I don’t know about you but even with as much as I hate it, I think I’ll keep climbing- one painstaking step at a time. And whats more, I think I’ll keep trashing stairwells- I've always been good at making a mess of things so I might as focus on making the right ones.
