Twenty-three.
Twenty-three has always been my favorite number. It is the day my birthday falls on, as well as my parents anniversary, my sports number in high school and the age that I once vowed to be married by (whoops). My 23rd birthday is the birthday I've idolized my entire life. I'm not sure why but I had convinced myself that 23 was the year I would become an adult. Technically speaking you become an adult at 18 but let's be serious, I wouldn't have trusted 18 year old me with anything. I thought that by 23 I would be graduated and established in my first real job. I thought that my husband and I would be living in a small- but adorable- apartment while saving up for a real house and I would celebrate in a classy adult manner.
So here is a real run down of what my 23rd birthday looked like. Our squad had met up in Chisinau (the capital of Moldova) with another World Race squad (U-squad). The night before my birthday my team surprised me with a Halva cake. Halva is a European thing made from sunflower seeds- it looks like dry wall but once you taste it you are addicted. They also managed to find some Russian vodka to celebrate with. The 6 of us sat in my room and each girl took turns telling me their favorite things about me and what they thought God had in store for me this year.
When I woke up the next morning, Carly had a cappucino waiting for me and of course, the team birthday tiara. I had mentioned wanting to curl my hair the night before and within the hour, several members of my squad showed up at my door with curling irons and straighteners in hand. Not to mention, that each girl on my team had written me a birthday card- some with candy bars attached. Needless to say, I felt very loved and cherished. I felt like a birthday princess (most likely because Carly referred to me as such all day long).
Clearly, my birthday was very different from what I pictured. But it wasn't just my physical surroundings that were different, there was something different in me as well. In past years, I could have been happy with exactly what I got. Gifts and words of affirmation from friends and family were all I desired on my birthday because that was the best I knew. This year that wasn't enough for me. In the past few months, God has taught me a very important lesson, something I've known for years but never really understood until now. HIS love satisfies. Human love fails but HIS love is unfailing. He gave me people to love me but I've had it twisted. I had set the bar too low and decided their love was the best love I could get.
So for my birthday this year, I wanted more than that (finally) and I asked for it. I wanted to be loved and cherished by the One who truly knows how. I asked God how He felt about me on my birthday. The words of loved ones are special but I wanted HIS words of affirmation. I loved my notes from my team but I wanted HIM to write me a note. And true to who He is, this is a piece of what He gave me…
“… Sweet girl, you are so special to me. The day I made you I saw THIS day. I saw you hearing my voice and writing my words. I saw you feeling my love like never before. Do you love the way this feels? This is MY favorite birthday of yours, daughter, because we are spending it together for the first time. Enjoy this day. Enjoy this life with Me. For 23 years I've walked next to you silently- loving you, protecting you, and guiding you when you asked. From now on, we live LOUDLY together. Go out in joy today, baby girl. Go out in joy and be lead forth in peace because I, your God, am with you.”
I am jobless, husbandless, houseless and downright broke but against all odds, I think I did become an adult this year. Not in any of the ways that I imagined, obviously- but then again, my God is a God who promises me more than I ask or imagine and that is what I got. I got a community who cherishes me as not only the “birthday princess” but as a child of the King. I don't have a job that reaps earthly reward but for the first time, I am working diligently at a job that furthers the Kingdom. I got an understanding of what real love is and what I've been missing. Now that I finally feel like a grown up, I pray to God I never stop growing.
