Training camp was supposed to be easy. I thought it was going to be a ten day learning experience of the places we will visit and begin ministry, the cultural norms for each place, and how we should interact with each beautiful person we come across. Of course we would have some physical challenges along the way while hiking with our packs and exercising every morning, but what I didn’t realize right away was that those activities were minor details to a bigger purpose of training camp. Instead of focusing on the worldly challenges, we were to look inward at our own selves and find our redemption story. I walked into a spiritual bootcamp, where I became wrecked down to my core, but came out more alive than I have ever been.
I learned more about freedom when I stopped letting my shame and unforgiveness control my life. I was able to open the door to the room that closeted all my insecurities, shame, and resentment and allow grace, love, and joy to bolt in to overcome and throw a party filled with light and surrender. Once I realized that what I do is not necessarily who I am, I now have nothing holding me back from finding my peace in the One who doesn’t condemn me unlike the enemy.
I learned more about my identity in Christ when I decided once and for all to strip myself from the facades I have accumulated over the years to protect myself from brokenness and rejection. I had been looking to creation for so long to define me and my purpose in life that it had become an idol. But by the Grace of God, I was able to take an axe to the carnival mirror that I had been looking into all these years and to break free from the bondage of my false identity.
I learned more about community when I decided to immerse all of myself into it headfirst. For the first time, I have a community that challenges me and calls me into higher places the Lord wants me to go. They push me out of my comfort zone and into the arms of our Loving Father. They steady my shaky breath and wipe dry my salty wet cheeks with their soft praises to God and whispers of affirmation that sink into my heart to hold onto forever. They show me Jesus in their conversations, dance parties, prayers, servanthood, and laughter. I’ve found that there’s no going back when you have become part of a community so in love with Christ.
I learned more about being servant hearted when I started saying yes to every opportunity to give to others when it came my way. I found joy in being able to fill a handful of water bottles while people were still eating, to sweep the floors of the buildings, to share food with those still hungry, to volunteer for the mundane tasks. It didn’t feel like a task anymore but instead something I loved and am hungry to do more.
I learned more about my relationship with God when I stopped letting the fear of intimacy hold me back. I now see Jesus as the Man sitting at my side, longing for conversation and relationship instead of the Man Upstairs waiting for me to ask Him what He wants me to do next. I discovered that I no longer work for God, but instead I work WITH Him. And I rejoice that I get to stand hand in hand with my Creator through all seasons of life, experiencing everything with Him.
I learned it’s okay to not be okay. In the end, you’re still loved by many, you’re stronger than you think, and God will always provide.
Training camp didn’t meet my expectations in any shape or form. Instead, it exceeded my expectations and taught me more of the wonders of God. These past ten days have been a beautiful transformation of heart, soul, and spirit. Jesus is so good and He will always be. Thank you all for your love, support, and prayers. We’re all in this together and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
