A quick and honest prayer journal entry of Month 1 on the Race.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Jesus,
My heart has been all over the place this month and it’s. so. uncomfortable. I absolutely hate it. Every little thing has frustrated me and has had me down since we left Atlanta and I cannot shake this feeling of being off.
The days have me exhausted by the middle of the afternoon. The adventures and sights have felt so… “blah” this month. Everything I do never feels quite good enough from establishing relationships with my teammates and the people we meet, to the work I put in at roundabout and even how I use my rest time. I feel inadequate in every regard.
Broken is the word I can use to describe how I am feeling. Everything I have ever known has been stripped away from me: My family, my best friends, bouncing back and forth between my steady and comfortable jobs everyday, my church community, my routine. My life has changed to a new “normal” and I guess I’ve been too prideful to admit it until now that I’m broken and frustrated with it all. Especially with not being able to get this new life down right away.
I wish it was all joy and good times here this month. I’m having a blast, don’t get me wrong, but I feel as if I’m missing out due to the sudden crumbling of this false self I have built up over the years. I know, in the end, the only thing I’ll be missing out on is this persona I have created, which I know I’ll be more thankful and relieved to get rid of when it’s all said and done.
Jesus, I pray you strip me of myself, so that You can fill this emptiness with who You created me to be. So that You can radiate light through these cracks within me. So that I can learn that my identity comes from You alone, and not the places I’m in, the people I’m surrounded by, or the experiences I have.
