I have said a lot of goodbyes over the last two years…
Traveling around the world, never staying in one place longer than a month, you get used to saying your goodbyes to people you have come to love. But that doesn’t mean it gets any easier. In fact, I’d say it gets harder. It can wear on you.
Grief is strange, and it comes in waves. For me, grief is also usually delayed. At times I have attempted to numb my heart, so as not to feel the weight of the goodbye so much. But, it always catches up with me sooner or later.
In this season, I have felt the Lord speaking to me about pain and love.
What if I allow the wounding of my soul to bring me into deeper love— closer to Him? Even when I feel disappointment and pain, His love never fails. When I am wounded by love, His mercy still stands higher than the heavens.
What if I held every experience of my life as sacred? Maybe then I would discover how His goodness and power work everything together for good. Where I see momentary pain, maybe He sees blossoms of love beginning to open up within me, yielding a sweeter fragrance.
He has called me to to be a faithful carrier of His love. As I remain faithful to Him, love grows within me. His love and His peace sustain me and sweeten my joy. All I have to do is focus on Him, look to His face. I want to let His presence seep into every cell and wash every part of me with healing love.
Those who love Him the most will be able to love others the most. Those who love the most will be transformed the most. I want to be one of those people. I want to be a person who is known by the way they love others. I want to be a person who doesn’t close off my heart in self-protection. I want to be someone who loves and loves and loves, come what may.
You want to know something crazy?
I want my heart to keep breaking. A heart that breaks is a heart that is soft. I want my heart to always stay soft.
I have said a lot of goodbyes over the last two years… and because I have loved a lot, my heart has broken a lot.
But what a beautiful thing that is. What a great honor it is to love.
Here are just a handful of the people who will always have my heart:
I have no idea if any of the above made sense, but thank you for reading my rambling processing of my thoughts and emotions.
Soon I will send out another post about our month in Asheville— how it went and what we did, so be on the lookout for that!
Thank you so much to those who have been praying for me and offering financial support. You have truly been such a blessing to me. The past two years have been life-changing, and I am so grateful to each and every one of you who have faithfully followed along with my adventure with the Lord.
In Him,
Kelly Cunningham
