As a young woman walking alone down the streets of Chicago, there are many things that I expect to hear from male passersby.
However, “I want to kill myself” is not one of those things.
I have been trying to prepare my heart and spirit for my upcoming mission trip, and I have been asking the Lord to help me see people as He sees them— as His beloved. I have been asking for the Lord to break my heart over what breaks His heart.
As I was getting ready for work the other morning, I prayed and asked the Lord how I could love people that day. I thought maybe just a smile here or an encouraging word there, but He had other plans for me.
I work at a restaurant a little over a mile from my apartment. It is a popular breakfast spot, and I often open the restaurant in the mornings, which means I leave my home by 5:45am. I like to walk the mile to work most of the time— I’ll put on my headphones and jam to some music while I walk to get my blood pumping and wake myself up a bit more.
The other morning, even though it was cold and snowing heavily, I decided I still wanted to walk to work. About halfway into my walk, I see an older man up ahead, standing near the corner of the street. There’s a bus stop right there, and it appears he is waiting for the bus, but the bus arrives and still he stands there, staring ahead. I walk past him and wait for the signal to cross the street.
A couple seconds later, I hear a male voice say, “Hello, miss.” I turn my head and see that man behind me. I am extremely wary of being approached by strange men on the street. I have heard a lot of things in the past— most of it offensive and unkind, and sometimes even downright scary.
He steps closer and asks, “Do you believe in God?” I internally roll my eyes, thinking he is going to lecture me about how I need to be saved.
“Yes, I do,” I say, and I turn my head back to the street. The light turns green. I start to cross, and the man crosses with me. While we cross together, he says, “I am very sad. I want to kill myself.” I almost stop dead in the middle of the street. I whip my head to the side to look at him, and I notice the despair etched on his face, the grief in his eyes.
We get to the sidewalk. I take off my headphones and whisper, “Please don’t do that.”
“Why?”
I was not prepared for this when I prayed for the opportunity to love people. My thoughts raced— Oh Lord, help— I feel so unqualified for this! and This is definitely not what I had in mind!
I tell him, “Your life has meaning. God loves you so much, and He wants you to live.”
I ask for his name— Isaac— and he asks for mine.
Issac asks, “Kelly, will you pray for me?”
It’s so quiet outside, but my heart is hammering in my chest.
Standing on the sidewalk, with the snow falling softly around us, I take his hand and I pray.
I pray for God’s presence. I pray for God’s love and peace to surround and fill Isaac. I let the words flow. As I begin to close the prayer, Isaac says, “In Jesus’ name.”
“In Jesus’ name,” I repeat. “Amen.”
He smiles and asks me if I’m going to work. I say yes and he says, “Let’s go,” and joins me on the walk.
Isaac speaks in broken English. Even though English is not his first language, I can see that he understands me well. He tells me about his situation and mentions again how he is in a lot of pain and wants to end his life. He has some questions about Jesus. I try to answer him as best as I can. We talk about love and life.
He asks me if I married (I’m not). He asks me if I have a boyfriend (I don’t). He asks me why not. I tell him that my ex-boyfriend and I broke up a little over a year ago, and that he just didn’t love me. He looks astonished and proceeds to call my ex a “son of a gun” and an “idiot” multiple times. I laugh.
As we spoke, I watched as several wide smiles broke across his face.
Then he asks, “Are you an angel?” I smile and tell him no, not even close. He says, “You are so sweet and have such a good heart. I have never met anyone with such a good heart.”
I tear up. I know it is Jesus that he sees in me.
As I get close to work, we take each others’ hands once more, say goodbye, and part ways.
I keep praying for Isaac while I work. I pray for other godly people to enter Isaac’s life— for Spirit-filled relationships.
I think about him throughout the day, and I begin to feel anxious, thinking of all the things I wish I had said to him. I wish I had quoted more Scripture. I don’t know if I said enough. Then, I wish I had said less and listened more. Should I have asked to meet with him again? I worry.
Then I feel this impression upon my spirit:
I know that You can do all things and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted (Job 42:2).
Nothing that God plans to accomplish in our lives can be stopped. Even if we feel like we may have wasted an opportunity, or feel we have messed up somehow, we have to remember that we are not powerful enough to derail God’s plan.
Hallelujah for that.
I think about other promises God has made (verses paraphrased):
- Your life will draw others to Christ (Matt 4:19).
- I am making your situation work out for the best— I have a greater purpose (Romans 8:28).
- While you depend on Me, I get things done for you (Exodus 14:13-14).
- You can be fearless in any situation because I am with you (Joshua 1:9).
- Give Me your burdens, and I’ll give you rest (Matt 11:28-30).
And the weight of hell shifts to feel more like the weight of glory.
Thank you, Jesus.
May this story remind you to slow down and talk to that hurting stranger on the sidewalk.
The unfolding of your words gives light… (Psalms 119:130).
