I recently returned from my World Race training camp in Gainesville, GA. I met up with my incredible squad and leadership team, and together we went through 10 days of preparation for our mission trip to the 10/40 Window. We dove deeply into Scripture, into our mission, and into our route. We tented the entire time, took cold bucket showers, ate lots of interesting foods, learned about many different cultural norms, participated in physical fitness tests, worshipped together, and we were exposed to several realistic travel and ministry scenarios. It was a challenging experience in many ways, but it was so rewarding and enriching, as well.
I wanted to take the time to highlight one day in particular.
A couple days into training camp, certain feelings started to creep up on me— feelings that I didn’t belong, that I wasn’t good enough. I began to doubt my gifts and compare them to other people’s gifts. I had a few panicked moments in which I asked myself, “What am I doing here?!”
Early the next morning, I was sitting in a rocking chair and watching the sunrise. I prayed for the Lord to show me how much He loved me, because I felt disconnected from Him. I asked Him if there was anything He wanted to say to me.
A couple hours later, we had a worship service. Again I prayed to the Lord, asking Him to speak to me and to show me how much He loved me. Immediately after I prayed that prayer, one of my squad-mates stopped singing and turned toward me.
She asked, “Hey, can I pray for you?”
Stunned, I stammered my reply, “Y-yeah… yes!”
She wrapped her arm around me and told me how loved I was— by Jesus and by the people in my life. She prayed for boldness and she prayed that I would stay rooted in my identity as Christ’s beloved daughter. She prayed that I would be able to see just how much I am valued and that I have something special to offer the squad. When she finished, I was in tears. I thanked her for her prayer, and we embraced. Then I closed my eyes and went back to worshipping.
A moment later, I felt a hand on my back. It was one of my squad leaders and mentors. He spoke many things over me. He spoke truths like how precious, beautiful, and beloved I am to the Lord. He told me that I belong, and that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. He thanked God for my unwavering faith and steadfastness in the Lord, even while enduring great suffering. He told me that my strengths and gifts would be used to further the Kingdom of God. He prayed for boldness and courage; for my eyes and ears to be opened to what God was doing; and for me to experience God’s presence and revelation in fresh, new ways.
He spoke about a picture he was seeing in his mind— of a pair of hands working on a piece of clay on a potter’s wheel. The potter was smoothing out the uneven edges on his creation, and he began adding beautiful and elegant details to the clay. My leader relayed to me that God had already been busy at work in my heart, molding and strengthening me in the process. He said that God has me entering into a season of refinement now.
I was full-on weeping by then, and when he finished praying over me, he asked if he could have a hug. So, we hugged and he just held me there for a minute, enduring my sniffling right into his ear (bless him).
When the hug ended, I turned my attention back to the worship band and opened my mouth to start singing again. Immediately, I felt another hand on my back. One of my other leaders began to pray over me. With three people praying for me back-to-back, I felt so overcome in that moment.
I felt seen and loved.
The knowledge of the depth of the Father’s love for me finally pierced through my heart. My leader finished his prayer, and we embraced.
I prayed, “Okay God, I get it now,” but He wasn’t finished displaying His love yet.
The worship ended, and we went into a quiet time of personal prayer. With my head bowed, I prayed a silent prayer of gratitude, and then three other people were separately sent to lay their hands on me and pray over me. With all of these lovely, Spirit-filled words fresh in my mind, I went through the rest of the day feeling much lighter and so encouraged.
Later on, we had another worship service after dinner. While we were worshipping, one of my squad-mates, who was standing beside me, started to weep. After a minute, I gently placed my hand on her shoulder, while continuing to worship. When the song ended, both of us had tears in our eyes. She pulled me to her and we gave each other a big hug. She told me that I am one of the best people she’s ever known, and that she can’t wait to do life with me this year. She told me that I have so much to offer the squad, and that she’s excited to see all that God will do through me.
I just about burst with joy and love.
Through my tears, I said, “You are an answer to prayer, sister.”
She replied, “You are an answer to prayer too, sister.”
What started as a difficult day, ended in an overwhelming display of love and personal affirmation. In the span of a few hours, seven different people reminded me that my Heavenly Father loves me immensely. I am so thrilled to go through this next chapter of life with people who joyfully obey the Holy Spirit’s promptings. They have blessed me so much already, and I hope to be a blessing to them in return!
