God has been planting seeds in my heart this year. Those seeds led to a break-up (devastating, though necessary), to me quitting my job, to going on a spontaneous trip to Iceland, and to my decision to apply to the World Race. God has been speaking to me a lot in the last several months— through His Word, of course, and through nudges and pricks to my spirit. But he’s also been speaking to me through the creative, inspiring, and passionate voices of Elizabeth Gilbert and Erwin McManus.
In the spring, I came across a wonderful post by Elizabeth Gilbert. Read it here.
In the post, Gilbert talks about how she believes there are two ways our souls try to communicate our purpose to us. The first way is through joy, through telling us what our souls LOVE. This is how our souls tell us that we’re going in the right direction: it will shout, “YES YES YES YES YES I LOVE THIS YES YES YES YES!!!” This is a giant joy-signal. Gilbert says this is the easy way our souls will communicate with us.
Then there’s the hard way. Our souls may also communicate with us through feelings of being APPALLED. This happens when our souls are absolutely horrified at the direction our lives have taken. An appalled soul will scream, “NO NO NO NO I HATE THIS NO NO NO!!!” This is a horrible feeling, and yet, this is also a way our souls speak to us. An appalled soul will say to us, in any way possible: “I cannot bear another day of this. I DID NOT COME HERE FOR THIS!” I’m sure you can relate.
(You need to read the entire post, though. I’m super serious.)
It stirred up a lot of emotions in me. Tears poured down my face and my throat closed up. It very eloquently described how I had felt in my relationship, which had already ended by then, and also my feelings about my then-current job, which had become increasingly appalling to my soul. I just felt kind of over a lot of things, at that point. I also realized that I wasn’t doing any of the activities that always brought me joy. I wasn’t spending much time with Jesus anymore, and on top of that, I wasn’t practicing photography, reading, or cultivating meaningful relationships with others.
Seed planted.
I started devouring the Scriptures once again. In June, I put in my two weeks’ notice at work. Soon after I left my job, I picked up a couple books, Soul Cravings by Erwin McManus and Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert.
Soul Cravings touches on topics like love, faith, hope, meaning, creativity, and dreams. Listen to this:
You are a unique creation made by God to live and not simply exist. Your soul longs to find its ultimate purpose. It will not rest until you do. Your soul craves its destiny. Your soul desires. It always will. You were created as a creative being. You were made to grow, to dream, to achieve. Your soul is letting you know you come from God and your life is intended to be God-sized and God-inspired.
Jesus was a man of amazing passion. Love, compassion, mercy, anger, disgust, and even hate found expression in the person of Jesus… it was people he loved and evil he hated. If Jesus is God, then God is a God of passion. He has created us like him— with passion and desire and emotion. God is like a fire that burns within your soul.
It isn’t an accident that we are filled with desire. It’s one part of being made like God. The problem, of course, is that we have raging passions and desires without the character and inherent good of God to channel them properly. Nevertheless, the solution for God has never been to neuter us or move us toward living apathetic lives. The goal of spirituality is not to extract from you all desire and passion. The call of Jesus is the exact opposite— delight in him and he will give you the desires of your heart. The destination of your spiritual journey was never intended to be nothingness.
YES! SO GOOD.
Big Magic talks about how there are no non-creative people— there are people who use their creativity and people who don’t. If you are alive, you are a creative being. Gilbert poses this question: “Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you?” Oh man.
And then it hit me over the head with this:
Oh mannn.
And there’s more:
Fear is boring, because fear only ever has one thing to say to us, and that thing is: ‘STOP!’ Fear never has a more interesting insight to offer… My fear perceives all motion, all inspiration, all work, all activity, all passion whatsoever as potentially life-threatening. My fear wants me to live a smaller life…
More often than not, it’s fear that stands in the way of us embracing who God created us to be. Satan will use fear to paralyze us. Satan is not threatened by Christians filled with so much fear that they choose to stand still rather than move forward for the Kingdom of God. Satan is not threatened by a complacent or apathetic Christian.
Our souls crave truth, beauty, wonder, love. Our souls crave to dream, to imagine, to hope, to understand. Our souls crave to connect, to commune, to create, to inspire. These two works have made me realize that when we don’t bring forth what is within us, our souls become sick.
Seed planted.
So, in addition to reading the Bible and reading books about creativity, inspiration, and dreams, I rekindled my passion for photography. For the health of my soul, I went out and took photographs, edited old ones, and then posted some of them to Instagram. I was very happy to be creating again.
In July, I was scrolling through Instagram and came across a post from an amazing photographer. In his caption, he mentioned that he and another photographer were going to lead a photography workshop in Iceland in a few weeks. It said that they were going to accept six applicants, and that it was the last day to apply for the workshop.
Cue my soul shouting, “YES!”
There were only about six questions on the application, but I took my time answering them. I sent it in, hoping that my passion would come across. I had no reason to believe that I would be one of the six people going, except for a warmth spreading through my heart. Even though so few people would be accepted, and I expected many applicants would be more talented, I just knew that I would be going to Iceland. Two days later, I received an email stating that they were pleased to offer me a place in the workshop. Had I not just quit my job, I wouldn’t have been able to go!
Over two weeks in Iceland, I met incredible people, saw and photographed spectacular landscapes, ate delicious food, and had wonderful experiences. So much “YES YES YES YES YES I LOVE THIS YES YES YES YES!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS!” I remembered how joyful and alive I have always felt when I have been out in the world, exploring and connecting with others.
Seed planted.
(post continues after photographs of Iceland)
A few weeks after I returned from Iceland, I received a text from my mom early one morning. She had sent me the link to the World Races’ website. She said she happened to run into one of her old friends the night before. The two of them spoke for a while, and my mom found out that her friend’s son had gone on two trips with the World Race already, and he had recently left again to lead a team on the Race. My mom told me she felt like I needed to hear about it, and she wanted to send me the link before she forgot.
Seed planted.
I went to the website and as I read more about the World Race, I felt a familiar warmth rush into my heart. Once more, I sensed my soul shouting, “YES YES YESSS!” I really love Chicago— it’s been my home for 10 years. But over the last several months, I had been sensing God gently separating my heart from Chicago, and preparing me for something else. It became clear to me that this was God’s will. I started filling out my application right then.
So, this year, I’ve been trying to listen more closely to my soul when it speaks to me. It innately knows what is good for it, and what is not.
And it has been a complete emotional rollercoaster, you guys. It’s been awesome, but it’s also been really hard. And I think from here it is going to get much, much harder. But I’ve resolved not to opt out of the opportunities that move me in the direction of my dreams, my passions, and my purpose. I don’t think God’s will is a map, I think it’s more like a match, and that He shows us the way by setting us on fire. So, let’s work to keep the fire alive by following the passions God places on our hearts!
I think a lot of Christians (myself included) underestimate how much God intends for their lives. And then we feel tormented because we’ve chosen to live beneath our capability and calling. Our souls know there is more to our lives! Let’s not allow fear to steal our futures and keep us grounded. What the world needs most from us is for us to be truly and fully alive.
UPDATE:
The morning after I wrote this post, I opened my Bible to 02 Corinthians and came across this passage:
Whatever God has promised gets stamped with the Yes of Jesus. In him, this is what we preach and pray, the great Amen, God’s Yes and our Yes together, gloriously evident. God affirms us, making us a sure thing in Christ, putting his Yes within us. By his Spirit he has stamped us with his eternal pledge— a sure beginning of what he is destined to complete (1:20-22, MSG).
God is so faithful.
