Have you just ever had so much going on inside you that you didn’t know how to begin or how to let it out in some expression that made sense?
That’s kind of where I am. Last month in Australia I had alot of different experiences, mostly ones of bringing old hurts to the surface and challenging me to let them go once and for all. We were in an environment that was totally foreign to us, an aborigina community, yet so many of the things resignated in my own life the past 11 years. The community we came into had alot of issues and prayer needs that I myself have had. So I wondered “God, why are you taking me here? Is it because I can relate? Is it because I need to put all of those things to rest, or are you taking me there to show that prayers do get answered?”
Before I left home, I knew that this was going to be a year of healing for me. I knew that God was taking me on a journey that I needed with HIM. In the past 2 years I have experienced alot of loss. Loss of my marriage, loss of kids, loss of friends and mostly loss of hopes and dreams that I thought were going to be part of my forever after. In Oenpelli, most of the marriages there were hurting and longing for HOPE . I maybe saw 3 marriages that were actually healthy with God as the center of that union. Most of the women who asked me to pray for them, asked me to pray for their families. Pray that their husbands would stop drinking. Pray that they would stop fighting. Pray that their marriage would make it, that their husbands would not turn to other women. Pray that their children would lean on God, and not turn to Sniffing Petrol, which has become such an epidemic in this community. Numerous young people have died by doing this and the ones that have survived have become brain damaged. There is such an oppressive spirit there. A sense of hopelessness that really test who and what you believe in.
But I sat there wondering how can I pray for these women. I have prayed these same prayers for my own marriage….and I don’t even have it anymore. What did I do wrong. Is God hearing these prayers? If so, why isn’t he answering them. Why wouldn’t he want marriages to stay together? Why wouldn’t he want families to find healing? HE DOES!! I know that God answers prayer and I know that he always wants his children to be healthy and safe in Him. The problem is our free will gets in the way. I am thankful that I have Freedom in Christ, but with that freedom it requires a sacrifice of self. Sometimes we aren’t really willing to sacrifice of ourselves. Sometimes God lays it all out for us, and we somehow choose the wrong door. Then we want to get mad and blame him. Honestly, if I had been choosing Him and honoring Him with my life the whole time, maybe I wouldn’t have gotten so far away from His plan.
I think my blogs on Australia will come as they can. I think I am still learning the lessons from my month there. I have experienced some healing in places I didn’t really wanna go. I know HE has me in the palm of His hand and I’m so THANKFUL that He is patient with me and ALWAYS meets me right where I am.
“For I know the plans I have for you.” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you, You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”Jeremiah 29:11-14
I am seeking Him….and am trusting Him in His promises.
