Blank pages filled with expectations. Every time I’ve gone to write a blog in the last several days I sit down and stare at the blank page on my screen, thoughts running through my mind demanding to be let out, but with no words forming comprehensible statements to convey the message needing to be proclaimed. I’m just giving you fair warning up front, I sat down to write a completely different post and this is what came out instead.
Since I last posted a blog I had two fundraising events. The first was an ultimate Frisbee tournament and the second was a benefit event at my church. Overall I think both events went really well. There were about 30 people who came to play Frisbee and I was able to raise around $370. There were 30-40 people who came out to my benefit event and I raised $230. Let me pause here for just a moment. I am SO thankful for what Jesus provided at each of these events and the relationships he is building from them. I’m thankful for the monetary support and the prayer support I gained from each event. I know that Jesus has a plan for everything and that his plan is way better than mine ever will be. I know that to be true. However, I’m struggling with it. I’m trying to be content and to wait on him. I’m working to plant seeds and praying expectantly that he’ll grow them and multiply the harvest in his time. It’s just so hard to wait, especially when I see the deadlines coming at me so quickly. My next financial deadline is on September 12th (NEXT FRIDAY) and I have to have $3500 in my world race account by then and I’m still $2478 away from that. I feel discouraged. I hoped to have gotten a larger response from the support letters I’ve sent out, and the meetings I’ve had with people, and from the events that I’ve had. I hoped that more people would share my story and encourage others to also support me. I’ve seen my church family fully fund and send out so many missionaries in the last year, as well as give so much to take care of other people and families needs, but yet I feel like I’m making next to no progress with fundraising. I know that Jesus has called me to go without a shadow of a doubt and therefore I know he will provide for all my needs in this, I’m just struggling so much with how he is going to provide. I don’t have a solution or the answers to “fix” this. I’m praying (desperately) and waiting. I’m trying not to be bitter or frustrated that things aren’t going according to my plan. I’m trying not to feel so alone in all of this. But if I’m being perfectly honest, I feel a little stuck in those things right now. So pray for me? Send me scripture to remind me of God’s promises. I need it, particularly now.
