Wednesday, February 7, 2007
“WHEN GOD MOVED IN ANTIGUA, AND IN MY SOUL”
Lord Jesus, thank you.
May I never forget this night.
Where you showed yourself so unmistakably to me!
Here is what I declared moments before the pastor prayed for me.
“Lucifer, you have been seen.
Spirit of seduction, you have been seen and you must go in the name of Jesus.
Thank you Lord for the eyes to see into the spiritual attack in my life, thank you for your authority over Satan.
Thank you for the discernment to set captives free in a lost world, for the insight into New Ageism and Satan’s sneaky and seductive army.
Spirit of rebellion you must go in Jesus name.
I proclaim freedom, for myself and the world.
Pride and control you must go in Jesus name.
I am a new creation, daughter of the King.
Satan you are a liar, get lost.
Lord, I trust you.
Take my life, I surrender.
This team is my ministry Lord.
I will please only you Lord.
Lord I will wait on you.
I will let you lead Lord, take my life, teach me humility, give me your heart!”
Rewind with me and allow me to share the process the Lord has taken me through this first month of The World Race.
Seth wrote a beautiful blog about the process of abandon where he explains a key to the process of dying to flesh and false self. (www.sethbarnes.com)
“One of the key tasks in life is to know oneself independent of the trophies, voices, and club memberships. To do this, we have to strip it all away. Sometimes in his mercy, God allows all the falderal to be cleaned out of our lives. The typical human response to this is to beat one’s fists against the divine chest and ask “Why me?”
Addicted to comforts and happy with our false self, we interpret the pain that attends this stripping away as a punishment.”
The Lord began that process in me from the first day of the World Race.
Actually,
I just saw that The World Race IS that process for me, it is the reason I am here.
The Lord has blessed me with so many gifts and talents in my life.
And I stole them away from him.
I took what he started in me and I ran with it, claiming it as my own, addicted to fame and fortune.
I took all the glory away from God.
Crediting myself, feeding my pride and need for control.
I am a professional speaker and coach.
Prior to the World Race I lived my life center stage, feeding off the validation and importance of the spotlight.
Seemingly confident, hiding beneath a mask of fear and insecurities.
My life served to strengthen the “false self”
to enable me to function in “good flesh” (see my prior blog, Good ‘ol Flesh Power”).
I lived my life under a microscope, with the rest of the world as my judge and jury.
I ALWAYS worried what others thought of me.
I constantly lived to please people.
Worshipping man’s opinion of me as my idol, my false God.
During the first few weeks of this race I was trapped under the same microscope.
Trying to impress the leaders, constantly surveying the room to see who was there, who was looking at me, who I needed to try and impress next!
CONSTANTLY!
I was not free to worship, to pray, to speak, I was not free to JUST BE.
It was exhausting and I was dying!
LITERALLY.
The Lord was refining me, he was stripping me of everything I had in the world in my arsenal to manipulate, impress, and hide out from people.
He stripped me of my false identities of “leader” “speaker” “coach” and many more.
He called me to a period of rest, of silence.
He was killing the flesh in me.
And I fought it.
I beat my fists screaming, “Why Me?”
Tonight, as I sat there in church talking to God.
I saw clearly the ans
wer to “Why Me?”
Because my God loves me so much, because he needs me to be free, he wants me to be free of the false self, the lies that Satan has thrown at me.
Because there is a battle and I am His warrior princess.
We are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world. (Ephesians 6:12)
This is no ordinary battle, and thus we cannot use ordinary weapons.
The same power, importance, significance that appeared to serve me in the world, that appears to serve so many, must die in order for God to fill us back up with real authority, real power.
Power that comes ONLY from the Spirit of God within us.
As I sat there in church tonight I understood humility.
I once though that humility was weakness, that it meant I had to be quite, sit in a corner.
Yea right!
Tonight I saw clearly, the Lord wants to use me mightily, but he can’t use my false self, it must die.
God won’t compete for my attention.
He won’t try to outbid the world; the false God that I was so consumed with trying to please.
I cried out to him.
“Lord, I trust you.
Take my life, I surrender.
This team is my ministry Lord.
I will please only you Lord.
Lord I will wait on you.
I will let you lead Lord, take my life, teach me humility, give me your heart!”
The Lord whispered to me, “Kelly, I love you, I am proud of you, I want to give you your hearts desires, trust me, empty yourself of all, let me and only me fill you up!”
I committing to surrender, to come under authority, to trust him.
To give up control.
To love my team.
To be their servant.
I felt free, I felt free, I felt new… It was simple, the Lord spoke right to my heart last night, and I was finally listening.
Oh, the enemy is sneaky, immediately the lies are whispered, the spirit of silence trying to sneak in… “I am not really free, the Lord is not really that big, he is not paying attention to me, maybe that is all a lie, don’t tell anyone you are free, cause tomorrow you will be right back in the same place.”
Not this time Satan, again, you have been seen, you must go in Jesus name. And then I asked the Lord for a gift!
I asked the Lord to show himself to me, to show up in a mighty way, unmistakable.
Show me your power and glolry.
I saw a man of God before me.
And I asked God, challenged him a bit (hee hee, he humored me)… JESUS, if this is true, if you are there, if you love me that much, if you want to fill me, if you want to use me… SHOW ME.
Have Pastor David pray over me, give me a word!
(I have NEVER prayed that before, I was not even sure I REALLY believed in the whole prophetic word thing!)
Oh, I can see God giggling a bit… I even made that famous “deal” with God.
“Lord, if you do this, this time, I promise, I will never doubt you, I will trust you, I will follow your lead.”
NO KIDDING, not more than a minute later, Pastor David looked right at me through the crowd and said, “Can I pray for you?”
The Lord said…
“You have been given authority.
A woman of great authority, you walk in great authority.
You will fight Satan. You have Satan under your feet.
You do not fear because no one goes before you, there is no one in your path, because I (The Lord) have gone before you.
You will tell the enemy to get out of people’s minds.
You have healing hands, they will heal people’s minds.
You will break bonds others can’t break.
It will be hard, but it will beautiful.
You will do great things and you will encourage your brothers and sisters.
Peculiar thing that comes with authority… it comes with humility.
I give you my heart, a heart of humility.”
My friends, I could FEEL The Spirit move.
Re-read the beginning of this blog my friends.
Pastor David did not say anything to impress me, nothing that was new to me!
I stand in 100% amazement of God.
That he answered my prayer, that he spoke truth and life into me when I truly needed it, and when I was ready for it.
That He truly SPEAKS to us.
In His perfect timing!
Jesus, Lord God.
Thank you.
There is no mistaking that you were there.
There is no mistaking your love, your power.
Lord, I praise you.
I will be unstoppable for you, no fear, for you have gone before me and you are with me.
Lord, I am in amazement.
Thank you.
Thank you for showing yourself tonight.
