I have heard World Racers say, “wow, Jesus rocked my world today.” What does that mean? When we were in Guatemala we all felt an earth quake… hee hee. Today I learned what they meant! Jesus “rocked my world.”
My prayers have been for more of Jesus, for him to take all I am and fill me with all He is. To “rock my world.” And today I got a glimpse of what that feels like.
It all started this morning as I found myself on my knees in tears, with a pain deep in my body that I could not explain. It happened as we were praying for a team member. The pain was strange, unfamiliar at first. As it welled up inside me, as I asked the Lord to show me the source, the pain got worse, but not in my body, in my spirit and along with it came a strange sense of peace, of healing, and something I could not put a name to yet.
I wrestled with it. I tried to understand it. I tried to stop it… and then my flesh activated. I was scared, confused. As once again, I tried to take control, to run ahead of God, to figure it all out. When I failed. I turned to denial, I would just tough it out, go about my day, and deal with it later, or better hope this feeling just goes away. Except, I suddenly (divinely) remembered my prayer. “Lord, break my heart, Lord strip me of my pride, Lord bring me to my knees for this team, give me your heart, empty me and fill me only with your desires”. And the tears flooded my eyes again.
This trip the Lord has taught me so much. One of the greatest gifts has been the power of prayer. For a long time I wondered why we pray. The Lord does not need out requests, He is in control, his will be done. Exactly! He does not NEED our prayers, But he wants them. It is a gift from Him actually.
Prayer is like the Lord’s baby gate. You know those gates you put at the foot of the stairs so children can’t wander up them alone and risk tumbling down to a hard stone floor. The Lord does not want us in this battle alone, he does not want us to climb the stairs without taking his hand. He loves us way to much to see us tumble to the hard stone floor. Prayer is a gift from our Daddy. I believe it is His way of saying, “My dear child, I love you, and I am here for you, wait for me, and take my hand.”
So as I remembered my prayer the Lord flooded me with my hearts desire. The holy Spirit descended upon me and brought me the peace that truly surpasses all understanding.
Why am I not leading this year? Why have I been given the gift of authority, yet I am not in a position of authority this year? Why am in not teaching, coaching, discipling? Why have my gifts of knowledge and wisdom been called upon? LORD JESUS, why did you give me all of this, and then not let me use it. How could that be your will. Why would you take it away if it was from you?
BECAUSE MY CHILD, I WANT TO GIVE YOU MORE! I WANT TO GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE DESIRES OF MY HEART PLACED IN YOU. BECAUSE MY LOVE, I WANT TO ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS.
Our God is amazing, I truly stand in awe of him. The Lord has blessed me so much. And in my spiritual immaturity I have taken so much of what he gave to me and used it for my own good, to fuel my flesh. I took the keys and ran with them. This year, the Lord took the keys back. I know see that the Lord is simply holding on to many of the things he gave to me, refining me, waiting for me to trust Him more, to take His hand, to let Him lead.
I also see that he is blessing me, He is giving me my heart’s desire. He stripped me of leadership so that I may learn
grace. He took the keys to authority, so that I may learn
compassion. And he has held back teaching, so that I may be overcome by
mercy! I beleive that pain deep in my soul, was the Lord’s heart placed in me, it was His mercy for His children that brought me to me knees before Him in prayer this morning.
Please pray for me. That the Lord continue to break me and to refine me. That I may see his hand in it all… the trials and the victories. That I may walk in obedience. That I be willing to sit as a child at the feet of the Father in the wonderment of not knowing, that I may crave spiritual milk always. That the gifts of compassion, grace, and mercy be sealed in heaven. And most of all, that I always turn to my Father in Heaven for the keys!
Jesus, I love you.
