Where to begin… my dear friends, I have so much I want to share with you. My entire team, the entire January 2007 World Race, is in Mozambique right now. I am sending this to you from South Africa. As soon as I stepped foot into Africa I felt something, I felt was supposed to be here. Then when we arrived at Alabanza, when I met Dini and the staff… I knew I was supposed to be here.
The last 5 months have been the most challenging of my life, and last week it all made sense. Last week God showed himself to me to unmistakably. I sat in the dinning hall here and wrote an email to AIM (one that never had to be sent) telling Seth that I could not do any more. I was broken, I was hurting. I was so lost and confused. I was unwilling to go on, I was not stepping one foot into Mozambique like this. I knew something was missing, I just did not know what. I no longer cared what anyone thought, I was no longer concerned with impressing people, pretending I had it all together. I was a mess, and I needed help. I did not want to “choose my attitude” or to “choose joy.” “NO” I screamed in my head over and over. I don’t want to choose it, I wanted the real thing. I don’t want to survive on self effort any more. I knew all the strategies. I spent years of my life in personal development, personal power, learning tools and strategies for success. I worked with some of the biggest and best in the industry. I even taught the stuff myself. Here is the unmistakable truth that I know today! ONLY JESUS CAN HEAL! I knew there was pain to heal, I did not want to cover it up anymore. I wanted to know the love of my Father, and be filled so much with the Holy Spirit that I had no choice but to dance and sing and rejoice in the Lord, again I say, rejoice!
I knew in my heart, in my soul, that I needed healing. But I did not know how, where. I sat alone in a field crying out to the Lord, Father – who will come, who will you send, I feel like David in the dark pit, my soul is in anguish, where are you Lord? I was alone in the middle of a field in Africa, no one around me. I could feel the enemy there with me, darkness closing in on me, and I did not care. I knew they were lies, I did not care. I remember saying, “Lord… I don’t have the strength to fight him anymore, I quit, I can’t do it, I won’t do it anymore, I have nothing left.” And it was then that my Lord moved. He said to me so unmistakably, “Good, finally, Kelly, now will you let me, will you let me fight for you, will you let me heal you, will you let ME be your strength!”
Everything changed, there was light all around me, my spirit was at peace. I felt so loved, so safe, such a release of pain and emotion! The healing had begun. Not during any counseling session, not during a big personal development seminar, not reading some self help book… no, it began in a field in the middle of Africa, Just Jesus and I!
So I have been here at Alabanza for 6 days now. I have so much to share with you all! Within 24 hours the Lord re-wrote my entire childhood for me, I was able to release members of my family back to the Lord. Jesus showed me the source of so much of my pain, and he is healing me, more and more each day!
I hope to write more soon. For today, I beg you, meditate on these words… JESUS LOVES YOU THIS I KNOW! It it a simple children’s song. We have made Christianity so complicated. But the simple truth is that JESUS LOVES YOU! And that is enough.
