During my month in the Ukraine and continuing into Tanzania God showed me that there were continued deeper levels of trust that I needed to reach with him and that there were still parts of me that believed I was alone in this world and a burden.
UGH! Seriously!? UGH!
It didn’t matter that I had gone to counseling and processed my childhood, my Mother’s death or even the entering into a new community and family. Shoot, I even wrote a blog about my amazing adopted family and community in January. Nnnoooooo, there was/is more. Maybe not more to process mentally but more to process in the feelings department.
Fast forward to the Clinic in Tanzania. While I was waiting for round two of my blood work to process I was having a conversation that when God is walking you through something He gives you many opportunities to either choose your own/old ways or to choose Him. To choose Him and trust in His ways, to have FAITH that His ways are bigger and better than our own.
Isaiah 55:8-9
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
When asking for growth, God is good and gives you the opportunities to grow. He is good like that. So since God is putting me through a growth spurt of trusting Him at a deeper level and FEELING that I am not burden to all of my adopted family. Of course He would give me the opportunity to go home and put faith where my mouth is.
And then it came,
“I think that you need to extend the week you were going to take to go home for the wedding and take the whole month to recover.”
At which point I broke down in the middle of the clinic and cried my eyes out.
Ask for growth and ye shall receive. CRAP.
Going home meant having to rely on others, relying on all of my adopted family for lodging, food and taking care of little ‘ol invalid me and on top of that trusting that God will provide the finances for all of my flight changes and medical expenses. Talk about faith and trust.
So I cried, and cried and freaked out for a solid day. And on top of that I was in major denial that I needed to take my Quinine (evil) medication.
Yet despite my major cry fest, peace came. The peace of my Father and knowledge that He would take care of everything and that this really wasn’t THAT big a deal and even if I did feel uncomfortable Chipotle and indoor plumbing was in my future.
Part 3 coming soon…
