I’m going to be completely honest.
This month is one of those months. You hear about them coming on the race. The months that are just plain
hard. All you want to do is board
a plane home and go where you feel comfort. The months where you wake up, know you should crawl out of
the mosquito net and get a move on, but all you want to do is stay on your
sleeping pad, cover your face and sleep.
The months where you count down the days till the next country.
It’s one of those months.
We’re in Cambodia.
Pretty much in the middle of nowhere, with very little ability to travel
outside of where we are staying.
Up until yesterday our only available water source for showering/washing
clothes was a pond. Our bathroom
floods frequently. The contacts
are wonderful people and they have huge hearts for the ministry here, but
unfortunately there have been some communication break downs. Mosquitoes literally have decided to
eat us at every available moment and I killed probably one of the grossest lizard
crickets bugs ever yesterday (Yes, I killed it, don’t ask me how). All of these little things have added
up to become “one of those months”.
This morning I was journaling and being pretty honest with
the Lord about where I was at. The
thing about honesty is that if you give it, expect it back. He was pretty honest with me.
He told me to get over myself. He asked me
what I thought gave me the right to have rights. He told me to open my eyes to the blessings that are spread
all throughout this place. He told
me He has me here for a reason.
“From one man he made every nation of men, that they should
inhabit the whole earth, and he determined the times set for them, and the
exact places where they should live“.
Acts 17:26
Before I was born, the Lord knew that in January of my 22nd
year, I was going to be in Cambodia, having one of those months. He ordained it.
“We must go through many hardships to enter the Kingdom of
God.” Acts 14:22
Jesus is my example.
” Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ
Jesus: Who being in very nature
God did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made
himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant” Philippians 2:5-7
This month may be one of those months, and certain aspects
of it will remain hard and unchangeable.
But what I can change is my attitude and heart posture. I can choose to look at this day, this
week, this month as a positive challenge to grow, or I can stay in my negative
attitude and miss out on what the Lord has for me here.
And I know the Lord has a lot for me. There are six women living here, all of
whom were previously living on the streets, struggling with drugs and
alcohol. None of these women know
English, and unfortunately their mental age is most of the time less than their
physical age.
But I can tell you that through these women I have learned
the power of a smile. I have
learned the power behind a hug and a hand squeeze. Every morning I have been sitting with these women, helping
to cut up tree bulbs and I have been learning the power of just being. Sometimes I will bring worship music
and sometimes we will just work in silence. But it’s not awkward.
On the contrary, it’s truly some of the moments that bring the most
comfort. I know that the power and
love of Jesus is present within me and I will work to bring the Spirit manifest
every opportunity I can around these women.
“If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit”
Galatians 5:25
The Lord has me here for a reason. Honestly, it’s a battle I have to choose to fight every day,
but I trust that if I do stand up in confidence, the Lord will do the
rest. I will fight to shift the
oppressive atmosphere here because I know that love always wins. Our light will shine in the darkness
here and the spiritual climate will change. I already feel it.
This may be one of those months. But it is that very reason that I know it will be one that I
will not easily forget.
