in·ad·e·quate��”adjective: Not adequate or sufficient; inept or unsuitable.
This is how I feel.
In a lot of areas, but right now especially with regard to the World Race.
Who am I to believe that the Lord would call me to do this?
Who am I to think that I can change the world?
Who am I to believe that my time is worthwhile to these ministries abroad?
Who am I to think that people would want to support me?
Who am I to believe that I would make a good teammate?
Who am I to believe I can make a difference…?
Surely someone else would be more qualified…
These thoughts plague my mind. Over and over they keep running through
“Who are you to…,
who are you to…,
who are you to…?�
These questions have forced me to question, to doubt myself. To doubt my ability.
My adequacy.
I don’t deserve to proclaim the gospel in nations all over the world.
I don’t deserve to love the broken till my heart hurts. I don’t.
But here is the beauty of it all…
It’s through my inadequacies that the Lord uses me.
That’s it.
The Lord uses the people who don’t have it all together.
He uses the broken, the weak, the “least of these�.
It is only through Jesus that I am worth anything, and I am so thankful, because in this… it is through Jesus that I am worth everything.
He is my identity. And He is worth everything.
I may be inadequate in every area of my life, but it is through these
insufficiencies that the Power and Grace and absolute Glory of the Lord is shown.
There are so many things I wish I was more knowledgeable in…I wish I knew more of the bible, I wish I had more wisdom in specific areas, more life experiences to relate from…but there is such a beauty in being weak, because when big things happen, I know that it cannot be from me. It is only from Christ within me….and that is so reassuring.
While I was at Passion, I had a vision. I was on the cross, and was trying as hard as I could to stretch across it and fit my hands where the holes were. But no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t reach. Then I saw Jesus, He came up to me and threw me off the cross. He then got up onto it and the cross was filled with light. He lifted me up and I rested in His light on the cross.
We need only to rest in Him and His love.
He has set us free from ourselves, we don’t need to earn His love or grace!
This concept is something I struggle so much with. But when I truly let myself let go of my expectations of myself and purely sit in the lap of Jesus, I am at peace.
The Lord knows the desires I have in my heart, but even
more than that He knows the heart of my desire. He would; He created it.
He knit me together in my mother’s womb, filling my heart with longings for
social justice, as well as mercy and abundant love. It is not from myself that
I long for these things, the Lord has placed it in me for a very specific
reason; to bring Him glory.
Jesus’ grace fills my heart and soul with such happiness. He loves us right where we’re at, even when we don’t love ourselves. What a beautiful love, an unmatchable love.
As I was writing this, Tenth Avenue North’s song “House of Mirrors� came on and seemed to fit with I’m thinking perfectly.
“You can’t seem to see past your own reflection
Caught up in the halls of your introspection
And you’re staring at your mirror on the wall
Asking, “Who is the fairest of them all?”
‘Cause, Lord, I know it’s not me
If only you could see
That you’ve already been set free
Come on, come on
Let’s throw our mirrors down
Come on, come on
Let’s shatter the glass on the ground
But you say, “Hold on, if I could just try this one thing.
Well, I know I can change and that would change everything.”
But a house made of mirrors never helps you see any clearer
It’s yourself you can’t see past
And Lord isn’t that just like me?
If only we could see
That He’s already set us free
Come on, come on
Let’s throw our mirrors down
Come on, come on
Let’s shatter the glass on the ground
Oh, oh
Freedom’s waiting for you now
So come on, come on
Throw your mirrors down
Come on if you’re tired take a step outside
You might find you can forget about yourself tonight
Come on if you’re tired of failed attempts to try
Freedom’s waiting when you look outsideâ€�
