Psalm 23: 1-3 “The Lord is my shepherd; there is nothing I lack. He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He leads me along the right paths for His name’s sake.”
Kigali, Rwanda
What if. Those are two simple words, but they have the power to drive anyone into madness if they allow. Lately, I have found myself reminiscing and remaining in a state of “what if”. What if I never broke up with that guy, what if I applied myself more in school, what if I never did the World Race, and the list could go on and on. Allowing these words to have power is not an ideal place to be because, remaining in a “what if” mindset is rarely beneficial. Don’t get me wrong, I have certainly learned things from past relationships, mistakes, and accomplishments but I have no desire to remain or focus on the experiences that I’ve been through. However, as I sit here in Rwanda and allow my mind to wander, it often wanders on and on for hours with the “what if” scenarios.
The Lord has shown me a few things that have helped me cultivate a new mindset towards the words what if. In response to the focus on my past, He says what if, I have called you to something more than those things? What if I want you to learn to let me be enough for you before I bring a man into your life? What if I want to grow you and stretch you so that you can be the woman I created you to be? What if there is more to life than just going through your mundane routine? What if I want to show you the power you have in me?
God has not only wrecked my idea of what if, but He has resurfaced past failures, mistakes, or hurts and started shaping them into something new. The word that the Lord gave me for the year of 2017 is restoration, and He is starting that process within my heart. For the first time in my life, I am being honest with myself and the Lord about hurt in my heart and struggles I have. I am realizing that God has always wanted to restore my soul, but I have not given Him access. The Holy Spirit has the power to restore my soul, and He always has but I am learning that I must do my part. I need to open myself up, let go of pride, offenses, bitterness, and the past so that the Lord can restore me. When I think of restoration, I think of a renewing or putting something that was once present back into place. In Psalm 23, David talks about how the Lord is our shepherd and how he leads us, but He also says that the Lord restores his soul. The Lord is the only one who can restore my soul. He is the only one who can take my past hurts and renew them. When I think of this idea of restoration, I imagine a man building a beautiful oak, roll top, desk. When he builds the desk it is strong, useful, and glossy from the finish. As years pass, the desk starts to dull and develops scrapes and dents. Eventually the wood weakens, the shine fades, and the desk starts to fall apart. Everyone tells the man to buy a new desk, why would he want to keep that piece of junk? The man refuses to buy a new desk because he sees potential in the old desk. He remembers what the old desk looked like when he first built it. He decides to take the desk apart and to restore it. He begins to rebuild the desk from scratch, and when he finishes, the desk is even more magnificent than when he first built it. That is exactly what the Lord wants to do with my soul. He wants to sand out all the scrapes and dents, and strip away the weak places to bring back the original essence or purpose of my soul (the desk).
It is no coincidence that the Lord has continually brought up the concept of restoration for me this month. Rwanda is a beautiful picture of a country that is being restored from an unspeakable evil that took place 23 years ago. Nearly 1.2 million innocent people died in the genocide that took place here in 1994. Today, people are still feeling and experiencing the repercussions of the attempt to eliminate a people group. It broke my heart to see the memorial where 500,000 victims were given a proper burial. Walking through the museum, hearing stories of women, children, and men being tortured and mutilated for no reason was extremely difficult. Despite the tragedy these people have been through, there is hope. They have hope for a better future and work to ensure that a genocide never happens here again. They are slowly being restored to the peaceful country that they once knew, always remembering where they’ve come from.
I know that the Lord is the only one who can restore and fix up the broken pieces of my soul. I know that He desires to re-kindle passions in my heart, and to solidify my confidence in Him. So instead ok asking “what if” I want to be someone who asks “what now”. Like the people of this country, I want to always remember where I’ve come from, but never dwell on it. Keeping that in mind, I want to be someone who asks, “Lord, what do you have for me in this moment?” I know He always has something new to show me or teach me. I can’t wait to see how He continues to restore my life and my soul not only this year, but forever.
Some of the kids we are teaching this month!
Games are hard to teach when there’s a language barrier, but ring-around-the-rosy is always a go to!
Team Seetaram Sandwich serving in Rwanda!
